woensdag 10 oktober 2007

The Introduction to Jagged Edge Pubs

Welcome to Jagged Edge Publications, let the insanity / truth begin!

We at Jagged Publications swear only to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth according to the gospel of Saint Jagged!

We at Jagged Edge live to and die to the guidelines set out by Mon Dieu or otherwise known as Eric (no comparisons to an ex - footballer who once gave all true United fans goose bumps when he applied his trade in the colours of the only famous "Red Devils" (no belgium copycats please).

The truth or Jagged Edge Pubs. is available to all of those who have not been infested by the bullshit of all politicians (past and present), religious leaders (past and present), marketing Guru's, Nike, Macdonalds, global players, multi - millionare sports stars (drugged or not drugged according to the amount of piss taken, Ha Ha), royal crapheads, show biz / music celebs (oh you poor little people, fuck on you little people (stolen from Mr. Lou Reed by the way) double bracket sent to confuse you), live aid acts (I want to change the world, thankyou Bob, nice try but stick to being a Boomtown, useless Rat) only interested in plugging their latest CD's and purifying their mega - million dollar consciences.

Also Jagged Edge Pubs. is not only open to all of those that have not been infested with the above mentioned diseases (to survive that you must be a fucking astronaut or an actor in "Men in Black part 55") it opens its mind also to those who are not kidded by those do - gooding VIP Superstars who are constantly in the media limelight, adopting African or Asian orphans and quoting on those multi - global - media programmes,

"I only have world poverty in mind and by adopting this one child we will send an example to the rest of the world and prove that we are not just egoistic, self - centered, spoilt fucking rat - brats". (Fuck off, instead of adopting only the pretty and healthy ones, how about adopting the ugly, hiv infected, crippled, blind and the rest of the 50 million street kids, thats really doing something).

The truth remains for those only who are free from the above mentioned diseases, who have undergone the cleansing, indocrination testing (nothing to do with racial cleansing, we will leave that to other more radical groups on their missions), survived and can now enter the unholy or not so holy secret membership of the Jagged Edge flock of seagulls whose sole destiny is crapping on the heads of those left behind in ignorance and blindness.

We shall scatter the planet with our droppings of crap, we will attempt to escape the great white or black (no racist views on Jagged Edge please) hunters, bird haters, MI5, CIA, FBI, Al Quaida, Moshed, James Bond, (Sean Connery alwalys looks good dressed in his kilt a real man, thats for you Liesbeth!), Allah, God, Buddah and the rest of the imbeciles who have controlled our thoughts since mankind invented money, power, politics and religions, etc.

Join us or stay with them, it's never too late to see the seagulls behind the trawler (sorry Mon Dieu) scrapping for the dead fishheads thrown overboard by the throw - away societies run by humans (not fucking aliens as some of you may think) who have ignored the call of extinct species, tortured, harpooned whales, dolphins, freedom fighters all over the planet, Mother Teresa, Ghandi, Krishnahmurti, even Jesus (Pontius, wash your hands you mother fucker), and the rest of those who dared to fight the system, tell the truth and were hung drawn and quartered (as you can see we have respect for our red - headed, heathen friends and colleagues north of the border) thereafter in the name of.

If you think that we at Jagged Edge Pubs. are just being bloody minded and totally negative, think again.

We acknowledge that mankind (sexist comment, sorry, correction, the human Race) has come a long way since living in caves and kicking the shit out of each other in 60,000 world, local, national and international wars (still going on by the way!).

We respect the brilliant technological, scientific and humane (limited) advancements that the human race has achieved.

We also accept the fact that man (oops, soory humans, again no chauvenism here, bullshit, bullshit) has conquered the planet, explored our solar system, has ventured into the unknown outer limits of the universe (not phsically of course) in the attempt to discover other life forms, planets or solar systems and invented Viagra on the way, without any discussion, great achievements (especially if youré over 50).

There is no doubt that these fantastic, pioneering developments, have to recognised by even such a bunch of synical bastards at Jagged Edge!, But, and this is the big but, at what price?

The price is, those who have gained power will always have the power.

Those who know the truth and utilise the truth for their own gains, profits and advantages will not tell the truth.

As long as the sheep follow the shepards to the slaughter (and there have been many shepards and there will be surely many to come) the truth will be preached as the truth but never will the truth be true (make fucking sense of that one if you can!).

Sorry the Jagged one has become to serious, and this is not the intention of Saint Jagged.

Jagged Edge is like a bad or good medicine, it has to swallowed, spat out, rejected, destroyed, loved and hated. It is the cure or the cause of all poisons (depending on where your heads are, up your arse or floating in space).

Others have tried to tell the truth before Jagged Edge but have been eaten up by the system and its powers.

Change, fuck you, we will just take the piss out of it (what is it?). We will feebly attempt through satire, ironism, sarcasm, swear words and all of the other lower forms of unacceptable literature to touch you through the written word.

We take the risk of being assasinated by extreme moslemic terrorists, Nazi's, FBI imbeciles, anarchist lefties, docile, very imbecile, stupid and and ignorant politicians (George and Tony please stand up and be counted), religious maniacs, the Da Vinci catholic secret service and the rest of those types of beings.

They will want to lock us up behind iron bars at the local loony - bin (sorry no offence to the one and only real Bin), face a life of straight jackets, pills, medicines, men and women in white coats, padded cells, chemical infusions and utter, total fucking madness! Or maybe even Nirvana, Utopia, a sanctuary from the untruth (I will have to ask Vincent van Gogh about that one!)

Who gives a shit anyway!

Well readers (maybe at least my grandmother will read it and she's dead, uumm (thinking) "who knows to what outer frontiers the internet can reach to") that is a short introduction to Jagged Edge (The Truth), not to be taken lightly or seriously especially after a heavy, fatty dose of fish and chips, Macdonalds or a bag of crisps.

Just words written in cohesion with ourselves and in chaos with the rest. We want to provoke you, not to change you (only death can achieve that, or a life long prison sentence claiming you have seen Jesus and God and your ulterior motive is not to be fucking released but to become a saint, wish forgiveness from your victims and their loved one's, kiss the feet of your maker and hope that your sentence is reduced to 5 years instead of 30, hypocritical, sick of being a homo, bastard).

Our goal is to serve you up so much bullshit, just like the rest of the wannabe writers out there, floating on the invisible river called the internet or Joe Blog or whatever. Provoke you into thought, get your heads out of your butts and then, and only then, can you judge for yourself, form your own opinions, your truths and the change (hopefully) will come from alone and from within.

Enjoy the madness, the controversy the dirt and the smut, maybe it will cause a chink in the chains which, imprison and determine yours and also our destinies.

Laugh, be angry, agree or disagree, call us fucking morons, tell us that we provoked a reaction, pos or neg, enjoy it, loath it but be sure, Jagged Edge is here to kick you in the butt, and it matters not on which toilet you are shitting (oops sorry, spelling mistake, it should have been sitting) on. We will attempt to implant our winkel pickers (explanation for our young readers, winkel pickers are old fashioned, pointed shoes used to be worn by "Greasers" and "Rockers" in the sixties and seventies before the "Mods" kicked the crap out of them in Margate, GB. at easter, please don't ask for explanations regarding "Mods", "Greasers" and "Rockers", it will take too long. Look it up on the internet or ask Sting, if he is not too busy making even more millions performing old and crappy songs with the rest of the "Police", please young viewers do not ask Saint Jagged who the fuck The Police are. One thing I will tell you though, it is not those people you should see dressed in blue at murder or crime scenes but who either turn up late or don't even fucking bother, especially if you are of an Afro - Caribbean background and live in either Brixton / London or Mosside / Manchester) as far up as possible to get at least a (non - smelly please) reaction.

We are all just non - important carbon units floating in the huge universal picture of life, lost in oceans of egoism, self - importance, self - righteousness, swimming to survive the bite of the shark, the swallowing of the whales and the sting of the scorpion, etc.

While we think what we say and what we do is oh so important, volcanoes burst into life, hurricanes wreak their havoc, tsunamis drown us with impunity, and even a visit from a comet or meteroite may visit us, blast us all into oblivion and everything will be nothing (sorry Vincent).

We continue to ravage and destroy the planet, its animals, natural beauty and resources in an ever increasing race for ignorant power and greed.

Haley's comet returns, the sun is getting hotter and huger and we continue to ignore the truth because we think what we do is oh so important, "bollocks to that", says Jagged Edge.

We have taken the path of untruth, ignorance and self -destruction and its certainly not for us here at Jagged Edge Pubs. to even attempt to halt the path to our inevitable and ultimate self - destruction. We are stuck with what we have created and may human - beings please continue (as long as the above mentioned comet doesn't impact to soon and cause an explosive finale) so we at Jagged Edge can continue to take the piss out of it all.

He who laughs last laughs longest, the innocent ones on this trip to oblivion will ressurect and reclaim what is rightfully theirs. Those of inferior intelligence will succeed while the human race will shut its own lights down and self - destruct. Leaving those inferior beings leftover to survive parallel and in harmony with the natural forces of which, their "superior" (ha bloody ha!) human competitors failed to understand, ignore and treat with such contempt.

Once more Jagged Edge has become far too serious, therefore we will terminate this introduction and get down to the real business of, taking the fucking piss out of EVERYTHING AND EVERYBODY WHICH, OR WHO, REFUSES TO EITHER TELL OR TO AT LEAST ACKNOWLEDGE THE REAL TRUTH!

They or those deserve no other treatment, ignorance is a self- imposed disease and no different to either being a junkie, alcoholic, or any other self - destructive sickness caused by humans themselves.

Jagged Edge, love it, hate it or kick the shit out of it, we don't fucking care!

Read on fellow carbon - units, the show is about to begin: