vrijdag 25 april 2008

30 Billion dollars Blasted Away By Big Bang Nutters

Beloved Jagged one's I could rant on about Baraka and Hilary, fucking Israelis treating Palestinians to a Holocaust holiday camp, corrupt elections in Zimbabwe (Mugave was also a trainee at Auschwitz, at the time he disguised himself with layers of white flour so as not to fall foul of the "white power" Nazi guards, blue eyed, blond hair, you know the fucking "Master Race" shit, and boy did he reallly learn the genocide game thoroughly!!), child slave labour in Bangladesh, aids epidemics in Africa, etc, etc, bullshit, bullshit.

No my devoted fans something even more important crossed St.Jaggeds evil path and hence the pretty, full colour picture, depicting the "BIG FUCKING BANG."

You are all wondering what the fuck is this brain - damaged moron ranting on about. Well it all started in a picturesque village somewhere in that mountaineous haven for mega - rich, slightly bent tax exiles, laundry washed pristine billions of drug barons money, corrupt politicians extra little tit - bits earnt on the side like, called die Schweiz, Switzerland, La Swisse or whatever.

What you might all ask could be of more global, historic, monumental importance than all of the horrendous things that mankind inflicts upon himself which, are mentioned above

Well avid readers, St.Jagged will now divulge what is of more importance than those lesser things mentioned above:

"THE BIG FUCKING BANG," yes muvva fuckers, that is of so much more importance to the development of the (sad muvva fucking) human race.

Over the last 12, or 15 years or who gives a shit and 30 billion dollars invesment, loony scientists are structuring an experiment which, will define what really happened 65000 trillion years ago and attempt to establish scientifically, where we sad humans all originate from.

You're all thinking,"Fuck off St.Jagged you must be joking!"

Yes beloved one's it's the TRUTH (well maybe the time factor or the amount of billions thrown away is not completely accurate, ok who gives a shit, billion here or there) the reconstruction and scientific experiment of the "Big Bang" in the hands of a team of mega - raving mad scientists is just about to happen.

This momentous, mind - blowing, epical, step forward in the development of mankind will not only reveal how the "Big Bang" happened it will also actually replicate the explosions which, occurred at the time, Jesus what a feat and why did they nail me to the fucking cross!!!

"Fuck me, how can these maniacs be allowed to reconstruct the bla, bla, bla, in the tiny mountaineous, very picturesque country of Switzerland, receive the finance, fuck with nature and carry out this oh so important experiment without being shot at three paces, nailed on the cross, put in the gas chamber, electric chair, etc," thats what you're all thinking or not?

By the way Jagged one's, this experiment has been condoned by the global powers that be as being legal and of immense, historical importance to all of us, and it certainly wasn't financed with laundry cleaned drugs money!

We, the ol dog bitten, flea ridden tax payers are financing the whole mega - show and the 30 billion is being blasted away by the second as we sit back and observe horrendous food price rises, record oil prices, starvation of the poorest, aids epidemics, child slave labour, wars in Iraq, Afghansitan, Somalia, and nearly everywhere else in the "developing world."

This experiment tells us what?

Sweet fuck all, certainly not how to make ends meet, foot the bills and how we should eventually care for the weakest and the poorest on this shithole called planet earth ("St Jagged that's Utopia not here!" "Sorry, I was only dreaming my dears")

What does it cost us and where could that money have been better spent? The answer lies above, transparent, clear and as cold as ice.

Something also St.Jagged forgot to mention, there is a minimal possibilitiy that this experiment goes "fucking pear shape" and we will all be "Big Banged" into oblivion (who needs a meteorite or comet when you've got a bunch of loony scientists doing it for you!).

The moral of this blog, it's beyond St.Jagged, sorry avid readers I have no logicial explanation for such a load of ol bullshit.

We left "Big Fucking Bang" trillions of light years behind us and as far as St.Jagged is concerned lets all find some WOMD (Weapons of mass destruction for non Iraquis and George Bush believers) blow our fucking brains out and then let mother nature take its course.

That's it, St Jagged is on a fast trip to "Big Bang" himself into the crutch of some warm and inviting pussy, fuck the "Big Bangers" and their experiment, stick the 30 billion up their arse and may God (who the fuck is he!!) save the rest of us.

Tschuss Bambinos and fellow Switzers!

maandag 14 april 2008

Shambolympic Steroids

Fuck me they do work after all, only the sex is wrong, oops! This is St.Jagged after taking a crash course of female, hormone, steroids whilst attempting to qualify for this years majestic and very clean (no polluted air in that part of the planet!) sports meeting deep in the heart of downtown Bejing, Peking, call it what you fucking want.
St.Jagged was preparing for the "UK womens synchrone wanking marathon team" and thought if he took an overdose of female hormone steroids he would make the final selection but unfortunately the steroids were not fucking female (ok there is one advantage my dick has grown 10 inches and my clit shrunk 50 inches, life isn't so bad after all!), as you can see!
Oh well St.Jagged will just have to try for the "UK mens synchrone wanking marathon team" instead and may he stay as horny to the end as the rest of the team (without the use of illegal substances such as viagra, shock, horror, how dare he!!) and wank his way to a gold medal in the 2008 Shambolympics in sunny, very clean, not polluted and very downtown Pe or Be Jing.
What a load of ol bollocks this 5 ringed mammoth meeting of oversized, overdosed, junked up so - called, honest sportsmen / women is turning out to be.
Yeh, Yeh, you're all thinking, here goes that grumpy ol muvva fucker again, ranting off about the olympics and depicting everything and everybody concerned with the shambles as being corrupt and perverse, well fuck me thats something new!
Well St.Jagged has one opinion about the Shambolympics, get rid of them and replace them with some real sport, i.e.
  • Throwing the muvva fucking junked up participants to the lions.
  • Throw the fucking corrupt organising commitee and their sponsors to the lions as well.
  • Scratch your eyeballs out fights between overdosed - steroid, female shotputters and butch, bitch, skinny and very boney male, African long - distance runners (they always win anyway!)
  • Armoured to their eyeballs, Roman gladiators against corrupt sponsors (Coca Cola, Mc Donalds, Nike, Adidas, etc, etc) in fights to the utter, utter death. The losers get their fucking corrupt heads sliced off in public and nailed on stakes to remind the rest of the world what a complete load of bullshit the whole spectacle has become!
  • Wargames between non - armed, peaceful loving, Tibetan monks against the might of the dictator led, Chink army, in a bid to solve the rightful ownership of their mountainous, peaceful and very beautiful homeland (well thats a fucking gold medal for the Chinks before the games have even started unless we feed the tibetan monks with illegal substances, turn them into a hoard of mega - muscular, unbeatable, aggressive morons who overthrow the Chinks army and create the 10th wonder of the world alongside that other great wonder, the Chinese fucking wall, lock the Chinks up behind the wall and throw away the key. Who needs a strong economic China anyway? Oops sorry, St.Jagged forgot, the child slave labour perbetrators operating under the disguise of honest, christian global players, looking to increase their profits ten - fold, driving basic food prices fucking sky high, make the wretched and poor even more wretched and poor and not to be forgotten, our saviours of the environment, whilst pursuing even higher mega - profits and even more power, they're the one's who need the Shambolympics and a strong China!)
  • Last not least, Charlton Heston look a likes (sorry the real Charlton you were a bit too late for this mega marathon chariot race!) in a race against Chinese, American, British, Russian and all of the rest of the so - called "world powers" in a chariot race to end all other chariot races. The winners (and there is only one fucking winner, because honesty and TRUTH will eventually, always triumph against the corrupt, dishonest, perverse, greedy, power - maniacs that dictate our wonderful, or not so very wonderful planet. Ha fucking ha, "hey St.Jagged which, fucking utopian paradise do you live on?" Sorry devoted followers, no answer to that question and St.Jagged is certainly not prepared to divulge where his secret Nirvana is!) will take all, Tibet, Half of Africa (only the aids free and full of natural resources part please, the rest can perish in the "Aids hell of the planet and fuck off"), Irak (don't mention the oil, psst!), Palestine and Israel or just the great kingdom of Israel including Palestinia belonging to our jewish forefathers which, belongs rightfully to all Jews worlwide and after all we survived the holocaust, so its our divine right to own fucking everything! All natural resources lying under the earths crust including mega - massive oil and gas reserves in fucking freezing Siberia, Half of South America, middle America (now we're really talking business, coca fields, heroine, cocaine, etc), the old world, the new world, in fact the winner takes every fucking thing apart from the shitholes they don't want, whats new??? Last not least, a free space trip to outer universes when the shithole called mother earth has been so destroyed and ripped apart they can then all sit their rich butts in shiny, silver space ships and all FUCK OFF!! Well that's definitely a foregone conclusion who the winner will be of that race, sorry Charlton Heston look - alikes no steroids taken or bribes offered can defeat or corrupt these corrupt muvva fuckers!!

This is real sport avid Jagged ones, none of that ol bullshit served up at the Shambolympics where you don't even know if the athletes are junked up to his or hers eyeballs or not. Remember that Chinky swimming team, "real feminine" eastern block shotputters, Ben Johnson (a true symbol of honesty and how to beat the fucking rest). The list is endless and ST.Jagged will have to satisfy his sporting cravings by certainly not watching the Shambolympics but, he will definitely turn his attention to that other great, very clean, sporting event called the Tour de France. At least you know they're all on fucking drugs which, is to a certain extent, a level playing field to coin a phrase (clever bastard!)

Tibetans and their monks, you obviously chose the perfect time to protest about your suffering and ST.Jagged offers his utmost solidarity, but however right you all are, the Shambolympics is all over in three or four weeks and your global, in the face of the rest of the world protest, will wither and die whilst the mega marketing, TV, sponsors, organisors all count their mega millions made off of the back of peoples desire to watch this corrupt affair.

You will be left alone once more to depend on the blood and martyrism of your brave few in the unfair fight against the "Big Chinky Brother" and I hope the steroids kick in and you give them some shit, but ST.Jagged must ultimately bow to the TRUTH, sad muvva fucker!

Well Jagged devotees, St.Jagged must continue his build -up to the Shambolympics and really earn his place in the "UK mens synchrone marathon wanking team" he has written enough about about this bullshit and is just about to do a training session in front of the tele supported and sponsored by viagra, Hustler porno channel, Playboy big tit porno channel, sexy underwear fashion channel and last not least, steroid hormone clean wanking powder, US licensed product (only to be taken under supervision of a hot (female) nurse dressed in kinky boots, tighter than tight string, fish - net stockings, peek - a - boo bra (revealing only juicy nipples) and a sexy nurses hat!

Get off of your fat arses and start running, walking, jumping and wanking, sporty muvva fuckers!

From St.Jagged

vrijdag 4 april 2008

Heavy Metal Enemies

Scary muvva fuckers, ha?

Beloved and very devoted Jagged one's, this is a picture of me after my experiences of the last few days, have some fucking sympathy and don't laugh arseholes!

It's good to be back after my excursions, surfing the net on heavy - metal forums.

As you all know St.Jagged is a metal fan and has a few bands which, appeal to his taste, so I thought I would be so naive as to introduce this extremely superior blog -site to some of the (in retrospect one is allways more fucking clever!) metal fans cybering and surfing the forums set up for them by the bands sites and their owners.

The object of the exercise is to participate and show appreciation for the beloved musicians, give opinions, exchange feelings and emotions all pertaining to the bands and their fans.

"Well fuck you St.Jagged, even you had to duck and dive the insults, insanity, bloody -mindedness, ignorance and plain, braindead messages which, were threading (a thread is an invisible line where these morons follow a post and "comment"upon it) back and forward, to and fro and ultimately dying a sadistic and bloody death."

The point of the exercise:

One is a so called (obviously very bored, gormless fan) fan, he or she operates behind an alias and the only object of the exercise is to vent one's own, hidden and very pathetic ego behind the guise of the alias.

New participators daren't mention their own historic works (รก la Jagged Edge Publications) if they do they are damned, victimised, hang drawn and quartered and ultimately sentenced to enter the realms of hell, hedonism, sodomism, bastadry, debauchery, perversity, you name it, you get it, well burn my fucking dick off muvva fuckers!

OK, as you can all imagine St.Jagged is one who is prepared to take up the challenge. He did, and fought to his back teeth, showed the muvva fuckers what a true Brit is and threaded till the very, deadly end.

Ultimately participating in kiddies birthdays at Macdonalds loses its charm too, so I donned my straight jacket, took a titanian rocket lift back to base and, boy am I glad I left those brain -dead, junked - up, fucking morons to their little pathetic forums and returned to the real insanity, the search and quest for the TRUTH (forum metal surfers don't bother to look here there are two nazi war machines and Stalins red army seperating you from the real truth!)

The experience was TYPE O NEGATIVE and not to be recommended to the Jagged army.

St.jagged needed to go to Betty Fords rehab for a quick dose of Metallica medicine, but he feels fine now, although there is a sharp whipping sound in my ears set off by a dumb bitch who wanted to whip me to death whilst chained to the floor in SAW 65 (oh the pleasure that we never get to experience and feel!)

Anyway my beloved entourage of non - heavy metal forum participators, St.Jagged is well on his way to recovery, the brain cells are in place and we have a corrupted US election campagne to throw missiles at, oh it's so good to be back!!!

St. Jagged still loves metal and his fav bands will always play an important role in his shitty life ("that's a fucking lie for a start," Jaggeds inner conscience awakes after experiencing jetlag whilst surfing the net) and the so - called forum shitheads can go and get .......! (what was that word again, it starts with F!)

See you all soon, as the campagne hots up so the insults will intensify!

St.Jagged and his merry ol Types O Negatives