maandag 29 juni 2009

Sad days in the St.Jagged household!!!

St.Jagged entering a NHS hospital to visit his mum, St.Jagged left alive, MUM / RIP another MRSA victim !!!!
Convicted Rumanien nurse last seen working in NHS hospitals feeding dying OAP's!!
MRSA kills more OAP's than Hitler stuck in Auschwitz!!!

Sad news from the St.Jagged household, no muvva fuckers, WAN-KIN-DIK is still here and the rest of St.Jaggeds faithful readership, his upside down swimming, dead goldfish, mingy dog and flea-ridden, non-corrupt, non-voting Persian/Iranian cat!

No Jaggedone's St.Jagged has lost a very dear person and she is now in the safe hands of another very dear member of the Jagged family flying freely somewhere between our shithole planet and wherever they want to be "Two little birds"

Anyway whilst going through the ordeal of losing this very dear person St.Jagged was confronted with several not so pleasant TRUTHS regarding GB, NHS Hospitals and to get rid of all of the frustrations St.Jagged wrote a couple of poignant Spoofs over at the site.

They are coming up below and if any one of you has lost a close relative lately, my deepest condolonces go out to you all!!!

Enjoy the Spoofs, smile, laugh, but also spare a thought for all of those reaching the end of their lives in hospitals, especially OAP's. In this modern day and age they are not being treated with the respect that they deserve and St.Jagged hopes that his satirical spoofs will at least ring a few bells!!!

Spoof 1)

The very cheapskate NHS has been rocked once more by an even bigger scandal than their recently reported cheap foreigner employment policies! What could be worse? MRSA, the killer bug, which takes care of more OAP's than Hitler ever did at Auschwitz!

News has leaked (at a very leaky NHS!) out from CEO boardrooms that the killer MRSA bug is not quite what OAP punters forced into NHS hospitals think it is, an unavoidable KILLER! A recent infiltration exercise by the intrepid CIA (cockroach infiltration army) has found evidence that the MRSA bug was purposely released in hospitals to drastically cut costs, waiting lists, save beds and increase CEO bonuses!OAP's, especially the female species, delivered into hospital with a simple broken leg, arm, toe or finger have been increasingly exiting the backdoors in coffins. Good business for the hospitals, funeral parlours and great news for the LABOUR GOVERNMENT!

The very brave CIA reporter, "King-Roach Pussywound" also infected by the MRSA bug after licking the blood of a MRSA infested dying OAP, (luvely, jubbely!) sent this very disturbing and shocking report over to CIA headquarters:
Dr.Death (better known as that rat, NHS, CEO, Boris Genocidski) divulged at a board meeting with his lesser DR.Deaths the superb figures for 2008/09.
"After the introduction of MRSA we are pleased to announce that especially OAP's are "popping off" with rapid haste! Everbody is profiting, Funeral Directors, the Labour Government, CEO's and also, NHS costs have been slashed by 35%."
"This means we can all pay ourselves even larger bonuses and kid the world that we and the Labour Party are all doing a fucking grand job!"

CIA reporter "King-Roach Pussywound" just managed to relay this horrendous report before being trod on by a certain CEO with his handmade designer 400,00 pound shoes, spreading puss all over the pristine polished oak floor and finally being put out of his misery.

The unnamed CEO cynically laughed and quoted:"Well this mother fucker certainly reminds me of our OAP customers and their relatives downstairs, who don't have a fucking idea about our murderous, deadly MRSA policies."
Thank God "King-Roach Pussywound" had the brains to leave his hidden microphone on: Jaggedone and his CIA reporters have sworn to "get the Mother fuckers!!!"

For further developments keep tuned to Aljazeera International, they at least sometimes attempt to reveal the TRUTH!

Spoof 2)

The latest scandal to rock the NHS and Labour Party has been reported and exclusively divulged via Jaggedone's CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) to the world after an investigation into racist Hospital employment practices. CIA special health and medical reporter, Daddy "Filthylonglegs" Unwashedhands, sent the following, harrowing report back to CIA headquarters after creeping through the disgusting bog pipes of a certain mortuary in a certain hospital and uncovered the following racist facts:

a)No white or Brit nurses were to be found working in any of the departments.
b)All "Daddy" could hear was the mumbo-jumboing of African/foreign nurses and Doctors in pigeon English whilst talking to their Brit patients/relatives, who couldn't understand a fucking word what they were on about!
c)Only in the CEO/Management departments was decipherable English being spoken and white caucasian faces detected.
d)After scouring through "Top Secret" documents, "Daddy" found the following documented criteria pertaining to employment conditions, here we go:
1) No white, British applicants will have a chance of employment in the NHS, they should all fuck off to America!
2) Only coloured/non-Brit white i.e. Polish, Rumanien, etc shall be given opportunities of employement in the NHS, reasons: They're cheap, nasty and don't give a shit about patients/relatives feelings, hence no more time consuming emotional bullshit and an immense cutting of time and costs!
3)By employing non-Brits we the NHS have cut waiting lists to a minimum and nobody has noticed that the services on offer are appalling (apart from white, caucasian dying OAP's who are rapidly vacating their beds, ask yourself why!).
4)NHS CEO's and Management and will remain solely in British hands, hence the justification to pay enormously, inflationary salaries. White Brit nurses/doctors are planning protests and strikes, but the NHS don't give a shit because they have the backing of the Labour Party and their white caucasian Prime Minister, real Scot, Gordon Brown, who believes in racial equality as long as he doesn't have to be treated at NHS shitholes!!

Daddy "filthylonglegs" Unwashedhands scarpered out of this certain hospital and relayed this shocking report back to CIA headquarters who in turn has sent it post-haste to the All-Black, Notting Hill Carnaval Organisation Commitee. They have promised to build a protest float in honour of the unemployed, white, Brit caucasian nurses and doctors as a show of solidarity and proof that RACISM ISN'T DEAD BY NO MEANS, MAAN!!

maandag 15 juni 2009

Israel demand Auschwitz conditions for the brand new Palestinia!!!

JA, JA, Jaggedones, St.Jagged has made a massive coup de gras (what the fuck is that!?) he sent his CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) under the leadership of ol WAN-KIN-DIK behind the scenes at the press conference of the Israeli Prime Minister but what his Numero Uno Cockroach star reporter "Adolfo Eichmann Hilter" recorded was totally different to what the world was told.
WAN-KIN-DIK waiting in his panzer recorded the following statement exclusively for the Jaggedone's readership, don't be fucking shocked, it's not the TRUTH, this time, but nearly!

Israeli Prime minister Netanyahu proudly announced to the world that they are willing to accept a Palestinian State as their neighbours under the following conditions:
1) The new Palestinian state is to be built behind barbed wire, search lights, a massive Berlin wall and security towers patrolled by the Israeli SS.

2) Exit from Palestinia is allowed only by air and with El Al Airways, no Untermenschen will be allowed to set foot on the "Promised Land" without chemical cleansing.

3) Security gates built for Israeli forces to enter Palestinia and sort the Bastards out will have the following, historical words written over them: ARBEIT MACHT FREI.

4) All food, medical supplies, fresh water, electricity and other energy resources must be solely provided by Israel and sold to the Palestinian Pigs for extortionate prices.

5) Any weapons found in the new Palestinia will be a reason for Israel to enter, whip the bastards, teach them a lesson, bomb them with white phosphorus, rapidly retreat and leave the shithole in an even worst condition than it was before.

6)Protests, rebellions, Hamas, Al Qaeda, Palestinian Freedom Fighters must be eradicated and all young men between 14 and 35 will be put against the wall and executed.

Many more conditions were demanded and accepted by the US/UN and Prime Minister

Netanyahu finished with the following closing statement:

Hopefully when these demands have been met and implemented, within 5 years there will be no Palestinians left anyway and we can all live in peace at last.
The Prime Minister sent greetings to US President Obama, who smiled from ear to ear and thought silently "at last my world vision is beginning to take shape with one less problem to worry about! Shalom!
Jaggedone's when and where will it all end, hopefully not in St.Jagged's back fucking garden or yours!!!
Shalom and Aufwiedersehen from St.Jagged, his CIA and newly promoted officer of his CIA, Chief Chink Cockroach WAN-KIN-DIK !!

dinsdag 9 juni 2009

Holland beat England in their own backyard at the ancient game of CRICKET, whatever next, Nessie will be sighted!!!

It's only fucking cricket W.G. Grace, don't turn in your grave!

Howzat, Jaggedone's, how the fuck is zat!! No oh faithful one's St.Jagged hasn't gone completely stark raving loony, but nearly!!

As if its not embarrassing enough being a very proud Brit and having to suffer the indignities that our super, overpayed, loser, sportsmen/women pour upon us, no fucking no! St.Jagged just happens to reside in Holland, that insignificant country of Shell, Van gogh, super footballers, coffee, cheese, crap rugby players and cricketers.

Wel they certainly stuffed the mother land of cricket right up their butts and had William.G. Grace turning in his very fucking ancient grave!! (see above!)

OK, Jaggedone's we all know about English footie players, they couldn't win the World/European cups even if they were given to them! ("wouldn't be fair ol chap," stiff upper lip bullshit!)

Rugby, Athletics, Boxing, Tennis, etc, you name it, the Brits are completely useless at it!

St.Jagged will now name some major (my butt!) sports where the Brits excell:

Marbles = fuck off

Darts = Only when a certain Dutchman (again!) Mijnheer Barneveld is not playing!

Fox Hunting = no other country on the planet wants to play that barbaric sport!

Hooliganism = World champions together with Poland (bunch of Skinhead morons).
World Champion hooligan "Larry the Leeds United Thug" winning the world cup final against Kraut "Boris Boom Boom Smashyourkopfin"

Kicking Old age Pensioners = three times world champions, respect muvva fuckers!!

Rowing at Henley = Only possible winners because only posh aristocrat bastards are allowed to play with themselves + champers ducky!

University boat race = Oxford (full of Yanks) Cambridge ( full of more Yanks) don't count, foreign bastards, disqualified!

Snail racing = 5 x times world champions beat the French (YES!) only because they insist on eating their best racers, failing to finish every time!
GB snail winning world championships, fuck me he's got an orange hat on, Dutch bastards!

Pitbull fighting = 10 x world champions, only US has more titles to its belt but has now been banned, all champion pitbulls smuggled into the UK, hence 5 x winners at last!

Racing cockroaches = 10 x times second behind India, reason: England taught them all they know and the fucking ex Raj bastards now beat them hands down, breeding, breeding and even more breeding! (too many cockroaches in India, what else is new!)

Anyway Jaggedone's, we once proud losing English are now praying that the fucking Krauts get stuffed by Lichtenstein at footie, then we can have a massive laugh at our old enemies:

Chance of that happening are the same as England winning the World Cup in sunny ol Zuid Afrika (+ apartheid!) 5000/1, St.Jagged is now taking bets so be fucking quick, and if England win it, St.Jagged will commit hari kari at the centre court of Wimbledon, yet another English loser!!!

Goodbye Jaggedone's, see you over at the site for more very, spooky, Jagged adventures, by the way St.Jaggeds ol Chinky slave WAN-KIN-DIK has entered the footy World Cup singlehanded, after slaughtering the ravaging Persian armies, corrupt NY CEO's, Talibans and Al Qaeda he will represent the Falkland Islands and thump the fucking English off of the planet, once and for all!!