zondag 30 maart 2008
woensdag 26 maart 2008
Please study carefully the picture above, this is your fucking E - nemy and he poisons in a similair method to what is poisoning and devouring your intestines if you keep on feeding those deadly E -numbers to yourselves and your lovely kiddie winkies, EEGH! Scared muvva fuckers or not?
St.Jagged has also had to accept the fact that the global ready made food industry is slowly poisoning our guts and brains with the crap it sells in our, oh so, wonderful supermarkets, shops, fast food, junk restaurants, etc.
They are being supported by the mega - global marketing and advertising companies and they are all at IT!
Brainwashing and blinding us all with pretty colourings, dodgy fucking taste enhancers, lots of hidden chemicals, EEE's, even more EEEE's and factory produced, thrown together ingredients which, none of us know what the fuck they are and what we all are consuming!
Grandma of St.Jagged pipes in:
"Oh I just went down to the corner shop and bought some lovely bangers (sausages for foreign braindeads, you must be fucking braindead to read this bullshit!) crisps and sweeties for my tinky winky grandkiddies, plus fizzy lemonade drinks to wash all the shit down afterwards and don't forget that lovely looking, pink - icing covered cake, for afters." Says grandma after spending all of her hard earned pension on titty - bitties for the kiddie winkies.
Well Jagged one's lets all study Grandma's little list:
Sausages = dead, crap scrap bits of intestinal, leftover "meat" products, churned up together and squeezed into a skin of condom size sheeps gut. Enhanced with E, E, and another load of EEEE's to give them the final workover and fine tuning, abracadabra what have we here, a fucking sausage!! (you can stick it up your arse it might taste better!)
Sweets = Hard boiled lumps of colourful sugar and choccies (mega good for your teeth those are!) artificial colourings, flavours and surprise, surprise E (by gum lad!), E, and loads of other EEEE's, wrap em all in lovely coloured sweety papers, give em some cool name and abracadabra what have we got, sweeties! (All sold for the benefit of dentists world - wide to keep them in even more luxury! could there be a hidden and devastating plot behind the TRUTH of our black holes and filling filled decaying teeth! who knows and who killed Kennedy? Another great mystery yet to be solved! )
"Get on with the Blog muvva fucker!"
Crisps = really, real potatoes, (ha bloody ha) artificial flavours, colourings, E, E, and lots more EEEE's, chuck em all in a nice little colourful packet and abracadabra what have we here, fucking crispier than crisp, crisps! (well they do taste like paprikas even though they are the hybrid type and also very good for the ol heart attacks with all of that salt an all!)
Fizzy lemonade drinks = bubbly water coloured with artificial colourings, real fruit extracts, really, real fruit??? ("fuck off, who the hell do they think we all are, morons." "Yes muvva fuckers, you all buy the crap and make Coca Cola and the rest some of the richest companies on the planet") Tons of sugar (again excellent for the dentists and their rotting toothy business!) or chemical sweeteners (poisons) and last not least, E,E, and lots of other EEEE's, bottle it all in a fancy shaped bottle with a funky label and abracadabra what have we got, fizzy (pissy) drinks for the kiddie winkies and morons, wow! (fuck on rich bitch dentists!)
Colourful cakes = crap, white (no racist preferences here!) wheat products, tons and tons of white sugar (no racist preferences here either!), sticky stodgy fillings filled with guess what, artificial flavourings, colours and those E (Enemy) EEEE's again and abracadrabra what have we got, artificial coloury looking, lovely tasty cakes. (These cakes and the items mentioned above are all made in support of the campaign started by the dentists unions world- wide for the right to make even more millions from the treatment of the black, rotting tooth plague! One more Porsche please!)
"Oh St.Jagged you can be so cutting, I love all of those sticky cakes, sweeties, fizzy drinks, sausages, burgers and all the rest of the crap you can buy in our wonderful supermarkets and junk food restaurants" (St.Jagged's inner conscience arouses with rumblings in his tummy)
"Fuck off inner conscience and go back to your veggie, bio - products in hell existence."
Avid Jagged readers and thats only the beginning of the list:
Ready made Pizzas, pre - packed meals, pies, sweets, cooked meats, tinned meats, tinned soups, tinned fucking anything! sweetened juicy drinks, burgers (Mac fucking who! never on your life!!), Kentucky Fried Chickens (what chickens? pumped full of hormones, kept in cages, feathered and headless creatures), ketchups, ready made sauces, canned fruits, etc. You name it, and St.Jagged is certain they're all on the list of products which, are gradually poisoning us all!
"Yeh St.Jagged why don't you just accept the world is full of crap and we are ravagingly consuming it on a daily basis, creating mountains of plastic rubbish and, enough is enough, I just happen to be fucking starving"
(St.Jaggeds innerconscience is really getting pissed off now and his tummy is rumbling even more violently)
Ok, Ok, St.Jagged collapses with hunger, and fucks off for an over indulgent quicky at Burgerking, chips, burgers, ketchups, and a full up with EEEE's, coloury, sugary, sticky ice cream for afters, fuck my health, fuck my teeth and fuck the do - goody veggies and health freaks an all! (St.Jagged gives in to his inner conscience and decides to let loose and satisfy his desperate hunger (apologies to all starving African children who, really know the meaning of HUNGER and STARVATION!), by filling his guts with junky, crap, fast food, supplied by one of those friendly, honest, muvva fucking, multi - billion, global companies)
Well avid Jagged one's thats it for now, and I wasn't being serious about eating all of that junk food crap, St. Jagged takes his eating and drinking very serious and I'm just about to go and get very, very, pissed!
Goodbye from St Jagged and his merry ol black teeth!
maandag 17 maart 2008
The Back Stabbing, Loonybin, Straight (Jacket), Anti - Political Party
and not one of you dedicated followers has applied for our fabulous, colourful info - packs, shame on you muvva fuckers!
- The canine "barking fucking mad" Club in Vancouver
- The goldfish "civil rights" Club in outer Mongolia (swimming like lost souls in their ol fish bowls, oops sorry Pink Floyd fans, and St. Jagged really wishes you were not here)
- The Freedom for Ants from their Queens (Gay ones an all!) Club
- The Free all "humpless" incacerated camels Club (desert Nomads beware, St.Jagged is after your fucking goats testacles and Bin Ladens golden balls)
- The fight for the right for bats to hang up side down as long as they fucking want to Club (especially those hanging in Australia),
- and last not least
- The Freedom for Great White Sharks to attack muvva fucking, idiot surfers Liberty Club in protest against all "mother fucking" idiot surfers who have swam across the path of this magnificent beast and had their arses bitten off after being mistaken for a seal and caused the Great White to lose or break some of its jagged teeth whilst biting the shit out of plastic surfboards (fuck on you great white sharks and tell the pretty boy, blond, bleached surfer fraternity to, FUCK OFF and make their own waves).
And then have the common decency to clean up those heaps of steaming, stinking, revolting doggies crap before innocents like St.Jagged and his merry ol junior St.Jagged's tread right in your "little sweeties" mountain of left - behind, dogs - shit!
zondag 9 maart 2008
Devoted Jagged one's, here is a shock announcement!!!
ST. JAGGED AND HIS MERRY SHAGGERS ARE FORMING AN ANTI - POLITICAL PARTY CALLED:
Anyway Jagged one's, now to the real point of this fab, fab and very fab, fucking blog.
Napolean once called the Brits a nation of shopkeepers, well he was right, but due to evolution and the multi - culti revolution St. Jagged has put his mind to the subject, SHOPKEEPERS in the UK.
ST. Jagged has just returned from a blitz journey to his homeland and before he left on this blitz - trip (thats Kraut by the way for BLITZ as in BLITZKRIEG, linguistic morons amongst you!) he was advised by the one and only ALI G. to renew his passport because the UK had become a melting pot filled with different races and colours.
St.Jagged took his advice and he suggested I should take either an Indian, Polish, Pakistani, Azarbazjahni (sorry about the spelling, St Jagged only speaks and writes perfect in 500 languages, and that one is not one of them! big -headed muvva fucker!) Sri Lanken, Icelandian, (home of my favourite screaming fucking nutcase, Bjork or whoever, dopey bitch who conquered the pop world with her utter, utter madness) West Indian, Mexican (no Ali G, they're only permitted in the USA and not the UK!) Turkish, Iraq (K) ian, Iranian or eventually a real British Passport, surprise, surprise!
I told big dick AlI G to go and fuck himself and fuck that Egyptian billionare, owner of the worlds most famous football team after Kevin and his mighty midget Newastle Utd wankers of course, Fulham FC and Harrods (real British heritage that one!), Mr Personality, mega - rapper, Mohammed Al Fayed himself and wannabee TRUE BRIT! (Ali G your pisstake was brilliant, congrats, a membership form from THE BACK STABBING, LOONYBIN, STRAIGHT (Jacket), ANTI - POLITICAL PARTY is winging it's way to you!)
Anyway, back to the serious blog, I dared to enter the UK with, shock - horror, a real BRITISH passport, fuck on you real holders of real BRITISH Passports!
After living abroad for so many years and returning many times to my natural birthplace, I, St Jagged, find myself drifting further and futher into a mega - multi - culti dilemma.
I look at my natural skin and discover a pale, wrinkled, whitey - pink colour. I think back to my wonderful days of growing up in the UK (really fucking wonderful, divorced parents, father fucked off, left poor mother to care for ST. Jagged and his whitey - pinkish bruvver, well that's another blog to tell you all on another day!) and think is this really the same place?
Well geographically it is, the UK might be shrinking due to erosion and the environmental pollution, but there are certainly no whitey - pinkey people left in Napoleans shops, filling up stations, fish and chip shops, Harrods (thankyou Mohammed!), grocery stores, etc, etc.
All I see are multi - culti people from different countries, creeds, colours and religions smothering the country and growing at a rate where ST. Jagged started to think, "where are all of the whitey - pinkey people now (OK, clever shit, muvva fuckers, Poles, Czechs, Bulgarians, Rumanians, Russians, etc, are reasonably whitey - pinky of colour, St. Jagged knows that, but they certainly don't speak the same fucking lingo as St.Jagged does!) and what is happening to the whitey -pinky race that was around when St. Jagged once was a whitey -pinky, horror kid".
The TRUTH (here we go again, that fucking WORD!) is, ST. Jagged thinks we are a dying whitey - pinky race. Maybe evolution (as Darwin, the whitey - pinky evolutionist once confirmed, "only the strong will survive".) has proved Napolean correct, but with one minor (or major) fucking correction, the Brits are a nation of shopkeepers, but fuck me, they certainly ain't the same colour as they use to be!!!
Maybe St. Jagged should have listened to ALI G, when he suggested that an Apache Passport would be OK to enter the UK, Apaches are in the middle as far as colour goes (red, by the way, for all of you yellow coloured, ignorant General "last stand" Custer supporters) and I could have blended more into the present multi - culti background without feeling like a fucking stranger in my own homeland!
Please, all "NEW, so called, multi culti, BRITS", the UK is shrinking anyway so please go easy on us whitey - pinky original Brits, leave us at least some space to breath before you smother the place with all of your multi - culti colours.
OK, different colours bring pyschodelic, reggae, international and rapping vibes to the UK and whitey - pinks are pale, dull and mainly piggily - ugly. But the UK did once belong to a race of whitey - pinky shopkeepers and St.Jagged feels its a shame that the whitey - pinky ones are being rapidly sent to the whitey - pinky - piggy homes in heaven and leaving their traditions, cultures, heritages, fish and chip shops (Chinese fish and Chip shops, fuck off, what is the UK coming to), and shops in general to a new brand of multi - culti, coloured Brits.
Maybe we whitey - pinky Brits, should make a General "last Stand" Custer last stand and fight for our right to exist in our own homeland. Start a colour war and all become blue eyed, blond, albino fucking Nazi's, but that would be oh so racist, now that would'nt do, would it?
"NO ST.JAGGED, UNFORTUNATELY, IF YOU WANT TO SEE MANY MORE WHITEY - PINKY PEOPLE, YOU MUST EITHER ENTER THE REALMS OF THE PIGGY HEAVENS AND NOT VISIT YOUR HOMELAND, OR MAYBE EVEN YOU CAN JOIN THAT WHITEY - PINKY, MEGA - RICH, RATBAG, SIR RICHARD BRANSON ON ONE OF HIS JOURNEYS TO THE OUTER UNIVERSE AND BE DEVOURED BY A MASSIVE "BLACK FUCKING HOLE" (Black, who's a fucking racist, not the one and only ST.Jagged, no way!)
Devoted Jagged Edge lovers, St.Jagged begs you all, don't forget to apply for your fabulous, glossy, multi - colour info - package regarding:
As you can all read a BLITZ - TRIP to the ol UK didn't do ST.Jagged much good at all, but he is convinced that with all of your support (and the mega - trillion donations of your much needed bucks, a lá Hilary and that dark coloured, whitey - pink Baraka guy) he will win the next general election and support Napolean in his statement that Britain once, really was a nation of whitey - pinky shopkeepers, a long, long time ago (fuck on you whitey - pinky, piggy, muvva fucking shopkeepers!).
Goodbye and snort, honk, snort, from ST. Jagged and his merry (whitey - pinky) shagging, snorters!