woensdag 30 januari 2008

Alien Intruders / 30.01.2008

Jagged Edge earthly beings beware and frightened, above you can see my first "alien" fan, he contacted me per -cyberspace and was so overwhelmed to find that someone actually attempted to tell the truth on earth that he decided to contact JEP (Jagged Edge Pubs, idiots!).

He might not be the prettiest thing you have seen, but he certainly had a fucking impact, especially when he told me stories about life on his planet, ZZZZ - Zopiat (sounds like a one - hit wonder crap rock band from the seventies, eighties or whenever) in the 250th galaxy, 78 trillion light years away from our "wonderful" planet.

I do apologise for his "Nazi" looking hat, he found it attractive and felt it suited his visage. He swapped it on a lost space ship during his astral travels and the person he found it on was rather bony and frail looking, but he thought, "what the fuck", they are so many millions of light years away from earth and the holocaust was such a long time ago that nodody would take offence here on earth.

And being the honest and truthful alien that he is, he gently removed the cap and replaced it with a stuffed alsatian dog, the frail being smiled, said "dankerschon mein Herr" lifted his left arm, saluted in good ol nazi style and asked my alien fan if he knew the direction to heaven. The border guards on the frontier to hell fucking refused to issue the lost space ship with an entry visa on the grounds that they had only half finished the job issued by Satan's army way back when and were duly labelled as a bunch of no - hope wankers.

The border guards told them to fuck off to heaven because it was easier for ex - dictators, serial killers, rapists, psychopaths, paedophiles, etc, to enter the realms of heaven on reasons of "God is almighty and forgiving". The criteria for entry into hell is much more stringent, but the benefits are much greater, non stop parties, sex - orgies, booze, corrupt football games, drugs and every other form of wicked and debauched behaviour known to Satan's followers or non -followers!

My alien friend apologised sincerely to his frail, lost in space, traveller with a strange German / Austrian accent and told him, "heaven and hell, God and Satan are just a figments of your imagination, you might have escaped the hell of the Russian army and their raping, pillaging bent on revenge forces, but you will not escape your destiny, you will be sucked towards the sun and then and only then will you burn in the real hell" (Aliens know these things!).

The frail figure, stroked his stuffed alsatian dog, smiled a gentle smile and wished my alien fan a pleasant and healthy journey to the place where the frail being once caused so much destruction, agony, butchery, innocent deaths and Genocide.

He spoke a final word "I tried to find the truth and fucked up big time, maybe you can find what I was searching for, or maybe the truth can never be found amongst these carbon units, who knows".

My alien friend thought, "you miserable lying bastard, you and your cronies fucked up just like the rest of the dictators, politicians, kings and queens, religious leaders, etc, that were before you and came after you (aliens are much superior intelligent beings than their earthly subordinates and base their ideaology on only the true TRUTH which, is a trillion light years away from the philosophies practised here on earth by earthlings and their leaders!).

They parted company and my alien friend, fan and worshipper jumped in his starship, set wharp factor 60000 light years per second speed into his computer (with microsoft softwear to drive it) and sped towards the blue planet with only one intention, to meet ST Jagged and his merry ol men and women (hopefully!).

With 600000 million questions flying around his ultra - intelligent head to be answered by St Jagged he just could not wait to pierce the earths atmosphere and confront this strange, alien - like (just like himself really) person who claimed to tell the truth, nothing but the truth, so help me Mon Dieu (he gets mentioned quite a few times here a Jagged Edge Pubs, strange!)

Well Jagged one's, thats the story behind my universal friend, pictured above, he came, we answered, he went.

He wanted to know many things about ST. Jagged and his TRUTH, but we just told him to believe no -one, just think what Ghandi, Lech Walensa, Mother Teresa, Jesus, etc, did and what someone like Krishnamurti wrote and maybe then and only then could he find his own Truth

He left as soon as he came and parted with only the following to say "St Jagged you and your merry men are all fucking mad and deserve to be locked away and the key thrown away, because there is no room for you and your Jagged one's on this shithole called earth".

He promised to continue to follow our blogs from his distant planet in a very distant galaxy and also promised never ever again to visit this miserable planet and never ever even attempt to understand the carbon units called HUMAN BEINGS! (even with his very superior intelligence)

Well Jagged avid readers that's my story for today, 30.01.08, in the history of things.

The last couple of days I have been getting to grips with my serious side and decided for the sake of my own sanity only to touch on serious subjects when they really piss me off (read "This is real serious stuff " below, thats when I really get angry!)

Hope my fan club (the cat that lives three doors down and doesn't scratch my back, my new found alien worshipper, the frail being lost far away in space and his stuffed alsatian dog, the turd that refuses to be flushed away and keeps coming back to haunt me time and time again) thankyou for your worship and I will see you all maybe tomorrow with even more bullshit.

St Jagged and his merry ol men.

maandag 28 januari 2008

This is real serious stuff

Ok Jagged one's, i've just about had my fill, jokes and satire apart, now I really wan't to blog you with a real subject that I am just about sick to the teeth with!

What the fuck is this world coming too?

How far will our tolerant societies push their tolerance levels to?

How many victims of child sexual abuse must suffer at the the hands of these fucking perverts, before we all wake up and confront these abusive, very sick people and start protecting the innocent one's in our society?

Why has this subject floated to the surface and why is St. Jagged very angry and taking a stand against every single one of these mother fuckers, well I will tell you.

Last night I had the pleasure (or displeasure!) of watching a German detective series called Tatort, dealing with this subject in one of their films.

OK, it was only acting, but still the subject matter attempted to deal with "both sides of the coin", the perbetrators and their victims.

Typical TV, trying to offer an explanation, a solution and an insight into the world of these pervies.

One thing is sure, there is no explaining to do, there is only one priority to struggle with and that is, protecting the innocents with every possible means, police, the legal system, child protection agencies, etc, etc.

There is no way of at least attemting to provide explanations and understanding for these bunch of sexual criminals. St. Jagged doesn't give a shit about their poor, misused backgrounds, their own suffering at the hands of child abusers or whatever.

When these perverts commit their sick and disgusting crimes upon their innocent victims, there is only one thing to do, lock the mother fuckers up, and not for a couple of years, no, but ship them off to a high - security institute (a lá Alcatraz), as far away as possible from the rest of mankind and let them spend the rest of their fucking miserable life fucking the hell out of each other which, is pretty common in prisons anyway.

St. Jagged and his team are sick to death of the tolerance and attention given to these sickheads.
Attempting to reason, understand and protect these disgusting beings is reaching intolerable levels, just like the rest of the loosening of controls and morals over all forms of unacceptable behaviour which, is spreading liking a cancerous disease amongst the so - called normal ones amongst us.

All you hear is "they are people too you know", well fuck off!

What about the victims, their families and also the innocent family members of these perverts! How much suffering must these people endure before we all get our heads out of our butts and start to make a stand against such creeps.

A society can only be measured by the way it treats its weakest members.
These members are the very young, the old, the ill, the less fortunate and those who have real sicknesses (nothing to to with the sick perverts mentioned above by the way!)

Obviously these proirities are on the bottom of most of the world's countries priority lists and this mirrors the lack of resources given to the problems, the victims and their families of such despisable acts.

Our so - called tolerant societies prefer to spend millions in looking after these perverts, counselling them and then attempting feebly to reintegrate them into the societies they repeatedly abuse.

It is a proven fact that the majority of people born with such abnormal afflictions are repeat offenders (unless castrated, well that's really to much to ask!) and looking after the welfare and protection of these offenders costs the rest of us millions.

The victims, who really gives a shit, are left to their own devices of rehabilitation, repairing their destroyed lives and coping with the daily traumas and nightmares of the memories of their beloved children ( OK, OK, I know what you will say, how about child abuse within the own secure walls of the family practised by perverted parents, uncles, etc. For St Jagged there is no difference and those people who abuse their own children deserve no other treatment than paedophiles from outside of the family, abuse is abuse!, that's answered your query before you even ask!)

As I mentioned above our "tolerant" societies are becoming breeding grounds for such abnormal, sexual practices, homosexuality is gaining popularity, people seem to think it is completely normal and our children are being served up with such bullshit propaganda on a daily basis.

Sorry for all of you "Gay" people out there, what you practice behind your own 4 walls is your fucking business, but it is certainly not NORMAL! The rapid advancements you are achieving and the acceptance and tolerance of your gay parades, gay TV, gay politicians, gay priests, gay fucking dogs and cats, and the rest of them doesn't fool St Jagged! But as long as some of your abnormal colleagues keep infiltrating the higher eschelons of the powers that be, i.e. Judges, politicians, religious leaders, etc, and tolerance is being forced down the "normal" peoples throats from those high regions of decision makers, compliment, your getting away with fucking murder!

Sexual abuse of children is rife on the internet, porno businesses, etc, and gradually those purveyors of such acts are creeping and crawling out of their closets gaining more and more confidence because the legal system is buckling under the weak legislation on offer pertaining to these crimes. There are even groups of perverts among us who have formed political parties and clubs where these sickheads actually believe and practice such disgusting, abnormal activities.

Sex with animals, well how fucking sick can you get, sexual deviances and extreme practices are rapidly infiltrating the "norm".

How much further can people (and not our infamous invading aliens!) push the limit. Maybe until everything and everybody is fucking each others brains out and we all die of HIV or Aids, I hope so!!

No Jagged one's, St Jagged is not the apostle of purity and clean living, I am just totally and utterly pissed off with the amount of shit these people get away with and the spider - web network of perversity which, is gaining ground on a daily basis, brainwashing the ignorant and forcing their, thank God (well there is no fucking God, but you know what I mean!) minority, abnormal, perverse and very sick practices down mine and your throats.

If the cycle of abuse is not corrected and cut off at it's roots then it will continue to flourish and grow behind the disguise and bullshit of our "oh so wonderful tolerant societies". That abuse will then gradually turn into the accepted norm and that is when St. Jagged will jump in his spaceship (hopefully Sir Richard has a place left over for me, St. Jagged no jokes please this is a serious subject, sorry) and fuck off (maybe I'll be dead by then, obviously the perverts under my readership couldn't wish for anything more!).

There is no way that St. Jagged and his merry men support Nazi's, extreme right parties and even Islam, but believe St. Jagged, those people from such idealogical directions have a less than tolerant attitude and preach radical solutions pertaining to the perverts that have been so successful in infiltrating our liberal societies, I must admit, as far as this subject goes, I agree with them.

There are no two sides to this subject, only the victims and the families of the victims must be given priority treatment, and St. Jagged does not give one shit why the pervert is a pervert, he should be punished to the upmost highest level and that means removal and banishment from the society in which, he carried out his disgusting acts!!!

Some poorer countries on our "wonderful" planet even offer sanctuaries to these sick bastards (I wonder why, could it have anything to do with money, dollars Euro's pounds, etc?) and let them enter with only one sole purpose, to sexually abuse, exploit and mistreat the even weaker, poorer and most vulnerable people on the earth.

St. Jagged vehemently boycotts any form of travel or holidays to such countries and those perverts who continue their filthy practises amongst the weakest of the weak should really have their fucking balls cut off and hanged in public places as a deterrent for other sickheads who are thinking of spending their "gorgeous summer holidays" in these countries. Thailand, India, Pakistan, and the rest of them should be ashamed of themselves for allowing these intolerable acts.

Think about the hypocrisy for one second, get caught as a drug runner in Thailand and maybe you will get life imprisonment or the death sentence. (OK I'm not condoning drug abuse just comparing the crimes)

Go to the same country as a sexual pervert, practise your perverted sexual practices, misuse and abuse the children and people of the country, you are allowed to enter and exit, travel freely, get pissed, fuck whatever you fancy, have no hassle with justice the police or whatever and have a "fucking good time", how sick is that!!!

Avid Jagged fans, as you can read this subject is even too much for St. Jagged. I can take the piss out of anybody and anything, and I do, but these bastards, I simply detest. I cannot even take the fucking piss out of them. Just lock them up, throw away the key and let them rot in hell!

Hopefully tomorrow, I can cheer you all up with stories about Goerge, Tony, Hilary, Bin Laden, Saddam, Football, Prince Charles and Camilla, etc, but first of all I must cleanse my mind of this disgusting subject and go and get totally pissed!

Goodbye for now the Jagged One's, see you tomorrow (If I don't have too much of a hangover that is!)

St. Jagged

vrijdag 25 januari 2008

Kings and Queens / feel the ice / cold steel of the Jagged blade

Jagged ones beware, the time has come for St Jagged to unleash the jagged blade on our royal parasites, their entourages and followers.

If you are taking a shower or standing behind the curtain, feel the fear of St Jagged's blade like tongue as he attacks the blood - sucking royals with impunity.

Do not feel the fear if you have no blue - blood running through your veins, but if you are a fan and support the leaches, you will also feel the cold - steel jagged blade unleashed by St. Jagged. May it cut and rip open your pathetic minds. May the blood flow from your open wounds into the gutters of ignorance and be washed away by the pure flow of water which, you use to cleanse your bodies, but fail to purify your minds.

Only the blood mixed with the rushing water can cleanse your minds and the jagged, thrusting blade of St. Jagged will blast your minds into another dimension, no pain no gain. You and the parasites must suffer at the jagged blade from St. Jagged. There will be no prisoners taken, ignorance deserves no redemption only contempt and righteousness can be your only salvation.

Fuck me, that was pretty horrific, who the hell wrote that load of psychotic bullshit!

St. Jagged on a puritan Sunday is not a healthy pastime, even St Jagged himself starts to take himself seriously and write Shakesperian thoughts, Macbeth dramas, and Hitchcock horrors.

May the birds gauge his eyes out and his dead grandmother ressurect and stab the bastard to death whilst taking his once a week shower (stinking bastard, and I can't afford the deo, pooh stinky winky!}

No, avid Jagged readers, for just one moment I thought I could write the real serious stuff, a lá Stephen King and all of those other famous authors who scare the shit out of you and make millions on the way.

It was just a dream, or a Nightmare on Elm Street (Fuck on Freddy Kruger, the Exorcist, the Mummy, Texas Chain - Saw, Massacre, the Saw, etc!)

Al I really wanted to say was is the following:

Royalty, it's followers and their pathetic entourages should all go and FUCK OFF, get a life, give their palaces, mansions, land and other illegal and totally perverse possesions, back to it's rightful owners, the stupid ignorant muvva fuckers who allow them to hold and maintain their illustrious positions, the people!

No, not the Aliens who invaded our planet and declared the right for the royals to ponce and sponge off of the backs of it´s peoples. The fucking people, yes, you lot out there!!

Let's have a new royal revolution and get rid of the shitheads (based upon the infamous Russian revolution and inturn let those infamous, wicked dictators, Lenin, Stalin and the rest, rule the roost, slam the non - conformists into Siberian Stalags, live a shiny happy life in luxury, while their folk starves of mal - nutrition, die through hypethermia through a lack of heating and sub - zero temperatures, and survive on rations of ice - cold potatoe soup and cabbage!)

Hold it a minute St. Jagged, I have a question, (this is St. Jagged's inner - conscience speaking from within the depths of his perverse mind by the way) If you use the ice - cold jagged blade to assasinate the parasitic royals and their hangers -on, and all you have left is a bunch of self - righteous, egoistic, pyscho (sorry Alfred, I loved your film!) maniac, dictators, who only are driven by greed and power, you just might as well keep the blood - sucking moronic, kings and queens or not?

St Jagged answers his inner conscience: Fuck of you moron!

Well my beloved readers (Jimmy "more fucking brains than i'll ever have" the chimpanzee, my dead goldfish, his caviar like eggs, Russian only please, and the turd left in front of my front door that has now decided to stick to my stinking shoes and become a parasite like those royal muvva fuckers, "ooh that Prince Harry he's such a pleasent little chap dressed in his Nazi, Swastika uniform! Answer: "Yeah but he's a royal and can get away with fucking anything, in more ways than one, especially his lovely daddy, Charlie boy with his Camilla smelling tampons"

That´s it for my Sunday blog on the bog, see you soon and don´t forget to lock the door of your bathroom whilst you are taking a shower, Norman alias St.Jagged might just be lurking behind the curtain to send shivers up your backside!

donderdag 24 januari 2008

St.Jagged Boycotts all Virgin Products / 25.01.08

News Sensation!!

St. Jagged and his band of merry men have decided to boycott all of "Mr Sonny boy, Entrepeneur himself" better known as Sir Richard Branson and his Virgin multi - billion turnover companies and their global products, what a sensation!

We at Jagged Edge Pubs. have thought long and hard about this decision, and although it will cause great damage to the above mention global concern, there is no other way or manner to express our disgust at this grey haired, wannabe cool hippie, play the cameras hotshot of the modern world and the monster that he has created, fucking Frankenstein was an angel against this clown.

Obviously my Jagged one's, you are very interested to know what has led us to this earthquaking decision which, will ultimately shake the world by it's foundations, cause financial disasters all over the planet, force the global, human inhabitents to revolt against this mega - imperial mega - God of the business world.

We know everybody adores him and his crappy train service, luxury airliners, super - dupa record shops and the rest of the "Money Bags" imperium, but enough is enough!

We have all put up with his feeble attempts to fly a balloon single handed around the planet, be eventually rescued a zillion times with all of the global TV stations, their helicopters and camera crews bouncing these oh so historic pictures back into our cosy living -rooms (was it a publicity stunt or was it a real attempt to copy a real British hero, Sir Edmund Hilary into the fabulous Guiness book of records?).

Commuters in the UK also have shown bucket loads of patience while being forced onto "Sir Money Bag's"crappy train service which, mostly arrives late and his subordinates come up with the most shitty excuses on the planet i.e. "sorry you overpaying, commuting wankers for the delay, but there were some leaves on the rails and we didn't realise it was autumn already because we were too busy working out the unavoidable rise in our already, extortionate prices for next year. We apologise deeply and promise it will happen next year again, because we have to concentrate annually on humping up our impossible to pay prices!"

Sir "Money Bags" Richard, we even forgive you for those wrong doings, but really now you have pushed us to the limit of understanding and our tolerance levels have been pushed over the precipice.

"What", you are asking yourselves could be the reason for this world -wide boycott, "no" we answer here at Jagged Edge, it is not because we are jealous of Sir "bla bla's"multi billions and his oh so fabulous lifestyle. We don't care either about his egocentric motivation to capture the human races attention and to applaud his great ventures into the unknown, over publicise his companies names on the way and earn even more millions.

We don't even mind his grey, long - haired, softy hippy image of a do - gooder come to save the planet and rip off every dumb pratt on his make millions of bucks crusades, no, my Jagged one's how could we be so facisious and contemptious, not here at Jagged Edge Pubs!

We will put you out of your agony and divulge the truth (well that's a pretty common word used around here!) behind this momentous and very tragic decision.

Today (25.01.08) Mr (oops sorry) Sir "Money Bags" Richard, globally announced his project to fly his mega - rich customers into space with an aeroplane lookalike vehicle, offer them holidays in space hotels and resorts and offer visits to the moon and the rest of the other planets in the solar system.

Well this is really something which, benefits mankind it's poverty, misery, HIV infections, starvation, warring African rebels, natural disasters and all the rest of the crap which, infests our wonderful, blue planet (Branson and his cronies can very soon verify that the planet is blue, because they will be flying around in fucking space and looking at the "wonderful" blue shithole they have left behind).

He has taken his mega - global popularity to the limit and all of those crapheads who marvell at this fucking morons project, and told him how wonderful he is, can fuck off too, or by a one -way ticket on one of his fabulous journeys into the unknown and never come fucking back (maybe there is a God after all and they will all be consumed by massive black holes!)

Sorry Sir Richard "pratt head", how about investing the billions that you earn off of the back of your ignorant fucking customers for this "super dupa" project and put it all back into decent, worthwhile projects which, would alleviate at least some of the misery that you and your fellow global mega - trillion earning businesses cause after ripping the countries off of their natural resources, destroying their habitats and leaving the poorest of the poorest bastards to get on with it!

Then and only then would you gain the respect of the Jagged Edge Team and we would cease to boycott your products. We understand that this boycott is very distressful for you and your companies, but we don't give a shit. This time you have gone too far and Jagged Edge is quite happy to brand you and your fucking companies as a greedy bunch of egocentric pratts!

Remember way back in your pokey little office in Bond Street or wherever, when you did your first publicity stunts to promote Virgin Records and was recognised as the young entrepeneur of the time. How the times have changed, you still have the same hair style, lovey dovey looks and come across to your loving customers as just "one of us", but you don't fool the Jagged Edge team with your friendly attire and looks.

We know what you are about and what you desire.

We at Jagged Edge are not asking you to save the world from its misery, but you "Sir Richard Brainless", should at least stop with these crap multi - trillion buck, hairbrained projects, set a shining example and pump your wealth into parts of the world which, would benefit (Take Mr. Bill Gates as an example) and do something positive instead of running round the planet with your pathetic, hairbrained, publicity stunts trying to earn even more money than you have already.

"Sonny Boy" Sir Branson, we boycott your shit vehemently, get a fucking life and see the truth around you, or join your mega - rich muvva fucking clients on a one - way trip to hell and fly into a massive black hole!

Fellow Jagged's, join the boycott and tell him and his companies to get their heads out of butts and get real! Fuck on Bill Gates, at least you saw the TRUTH!!

Greetings to all of those train passengers stuck on leafy ridden rails, once upon a time there was a company called British Rail, oh the good ol days, they did't have such problems, but oh no autumn wasn't invented until Virgin got it's pussy wet!

Greetings from St Jagged my Jagged one's (my front door, toilet seat and manky dog next door!)

dinsdag 22 januari 2008

Back Again / 22.01.08

Hi Jagged One's,

I am back, sorry, my earlier report was just a short summary and now I am here to claim Jamie Oliver as the next PM of GB or President of the planet.

He wins my vote anyday, especially after he told Bill (I did'nt have sex with that horny bitch) Clinton to fuck off and also gave a piece of his mind to those mega - buck making companies turning British kids into a bunch of, fatter that fat, porky pies.

For all of you non - Brits, Jamie Oliver, single - handed, told the suppliers of shitty, crappy, school dinners and junk food, to stuff their worthless, inedible meals back up their back -sides and started teaching the kids and their ignorant parents how to start eating decent, healthy and nutritous foods instead of the above mentioned junk.

Come on man, some of those kids and their moronic parents didn't even know what a cauliflower was and where it came from, let alone other fruit, vegetables or salads. They must have thought it was some kind of alien food and not suitable for human consumption!

Jamie even had the balls to tell Macdonalds, Kentucky Fried Chicken and the rest of the crap food producers who only have one thing in mind, mega - profits, huge turnovers to go and fuck themselves.

These global money making machines pursue only one goal and that is to prey on peoples ignorance and hope that the planet will be smothered by even more of those obese, fatter than fat people so they can produce even more of their vile products.

This man is my nomination for PM of the UK and President of the planet, the other muvva fucka 5 star chef, Gordon "the Fucker" Ramsey, can be his finance minister and between the pair of them we can get some real down to earth, nitty - gritty, edible policies churned out.

With Jamie and Gordon fucking and blinding their way through the dusty and jurassic hallways of the house of commons the revolution could commence and these two respected "Batman and Robins" of the culinary world could blaze the way forward for a healthy and non - ignorant future.

Everything what we stuff down our gobs is what we are, and if we are a nation, or planet of fast - crap food eating morons, then this mirrors the state, ignorance and behaviour of the human race at this present time.

If Jamie had been PM of the GB or whatever he would also have told Georgie "porgie" Bush to go and fuck himself and not been drawn into the mindless, senseless and very inhuman invasions of Iraq and Afghanistan, weapons of mass destruction my arse!

A healthy body leads to a healthy mind and no person in his right and healthy mind would believe or support the amount of trash that came out of George and Tony's mouth which, has lead to the killing of thousands or even hundreds of thousands of innocent victims caught up in these outrageous and totally egoisitic invasions of these worthless (apart from the oil of course, ha ha, that was the true hidden agenda, shock, horror, nobody knew that did they?) backward and uncivilised countries.

It's all the fault of devouring this junk food and crap that makes us all follow these morons and Jamie and Gordon "Fucking"Ramsey would never have allowed these things to happen if they had been running the UK, USA or even the planet (good thinking Batman!).

Anyway my Jagged One's, I have just woken up from my dream and devoured a portion of good ol healthy fruit and veg and now have to face reality and the truth.

I see overweight and kept ignorant kids with their stupid parents charging into Macdonalds, KFC and the rest of the other shitholes.

Mountains of junk, crap food continues to be devoured by the world's human inhabitants and the companies producing this shit, get richer, fatter and more obese by the second (Maybe, oneday they will become so fat and overloaded they will all explode and cover the planet with a tsunami like wave of dead chickens, cows, filthy and disgusting fat, just a thought Batman!) and the people who flock and consume at these waterholes of infested junk, deserve evervthing they get!

Wake up you muvva fucka's, vote for Jamie and Gordon "fucking" Ramsey, change the world, become healthier and less ignorant and tell these global greed machines to go and Fuck Off!!!

Sorry, I was only dreaming my dear's!

Well Jagged followers, thats it for today, keep healthy and don't forget to vote for Jamie and Gordon (well you know what) Ramsey.

A long long time ago

Hi Fellow Jagged one's,
(my goldfish, cat and stuffed owl, they're the only one's who read this crap)

I have been away for a few days, busy kicking the shit out my bedroom.

As I see you have all missed me and the response from my readers has been overwhelming, zero comments and zero times to be told to fuck off! Oh well at least my above mentioned readers enjoy the bullshit we write here at Jagged Edge Pubs.

Fuck off Keegan, you Geordie toss, and if you buy Beck's, he can fuck off too. If you are the "Toon Armies" saviour and answer to their desperate problems, God help the rest of Geordie land!

"Mr Keegan Sir, ex failure at Man City, England, Fulham and wherever else you have applied your worthless tactics, you are doing the rest of the premier league a favour by re-entering the football world, because now, the other multi - millionare waster teams languishing at the wrong end of the league will have at least a chance of winning some points"!

Thankyou Sir Kevin and I'm sure the other wankers down there with you will be really grateful that you have decided to implement your much earned loser tactics and help them in their bid to survive the "big and fatal drop".

Their was a stock market crash today and in one foul swoop 60,000 trillion dollars got wiped off of the world -wide stock markets. Everybody say aahh! You poor, rich muvva fuckers, that will teach you to be so damn greedy in the first place!

Hope they drop another 50% then the rich and famous can also feel the "financial pinch" and maybe have to forfeit one or two of their luxury, multi - million villa's. houses, yachts, Rolexes, cartiers or whatever.

Then they will really experience what it is to become a poor shithead like the rest of us, fuck on you poor muvva fucking shitheads!

See you later with some more shiny, happy news

St Jagged

zondag 13 januari 2008


Hi Fellow Jagged One's,

I wanted to send you some thoughts about christmas, muslims, islam and the rest of the crap, unfortunately I cannot get a fucking floppy disc to transfer on to my up - to - date machine here, so therefore you will all have to wait until this old fart gets his head out his jurassic time slot (Doctor Who. I need help!).

Then and only then can you all enjoy this fantastic epic of muslim, christian warfare and the next episode in the holy crusades started by "Richard the fucking Lionheart"and his bunch of moronic slaughterers, way back when. And the muslim armies who have never forgiven them for pilgering, raping, murdering in the name of "Christ all fucking mighty"and swore revenge back then and sent their planes into the twin towers, bombed London, Madrid and the rest of the inhuman acts inflicted upon the decent, christian run, world.

As you can read, this will ruffle some feathers amongst the church, moschee, going public, and I'm sure they will send their bloodhounds to eradicate this scumbag called ST Jagged (everybody say aahh!).

Well nevermind, life is a bitch, and I didn't marry her. I can always write to Tony or George and ask for some advice in how to "spin doctor" myself into a multi - billionare, do - goody, stand in front of the TV cameras in Israel with my stupid jewish tea pot on my head and place a wreath on the monument dedicated to the holocaust. And then fly over to Palestinia and tell the Palestians how much I love them and that they deserve an autonomous, free of bombardment, country.

As for Tony, after his fantastic achievments as a "special peace (what, Baghdad, where the fuck is that) ambassador to the middle east" shalom, peace, fuck off. He will now enjoy his most prestigious job yet, sitting as an advisor on the board of directors at one of the richest banks on the planet and cash a further more multi - million salary, poor bastard (all we need now are his memoirs, written between the covers of an epic publication called "how me and Georgie boy changed the face of the planet and saved the western world from all of this Islam crap by bombing and destroying those most evil of dictators, Saddam").

St Jagged could do with some advice from these two epic cowboys in survival amongst the shark infested oceans of the truth (oops, sorry, again this very strange word).

Hopefully St Jagged will survive long enough to publish this above mentioned epical story and I leave you with a word on Sunday, fuck on you little people!

vrijdag 11 januari 2008

A Subject dear to my heart

Hi There Jagged People (my mum, her dog and the bone)

Today (11.02.08) I have decided to report about a subject which, has nothing to do with politics, religion or any other shit.

St Jagged is an avid football fan (the real type, not the USA glitter, Beckham league) and something happened this week which, sent shock waves through a pitiful, sad and very backward part of the UK, Geordie land, otherwise known as Newcastle and their team of tossers called Newcastle Utd.

This "sleeping giant of world football" (well thats what their fans believe) have sacked their 50,000th manager in the last 5 years, a certain Mr. "Big Sam, take a bung, Allardyce", big in bunging and crooked dealing (bunging is the Nr.1 hobby of premier league managers and their cronies, I'll explain that at a later date).

Anyway, this famous "sleeping giant of the world football" decided to employ "Big Sam"and offer him a salary of utopian amounts and after 8 months of work have bunged him (sorry about the pun) right back to where he came from, a mega - rich holiday in the Bahamas to recover from the stress of being bunged himself.

This pathetic "sleeping, bla, bla, bla" has now the job of finding another super top coach to take their fortune and fame to where they really belong! (according to their very pathetic and sad "Toon Army").

The background to this "sleeping, bla, bla, how boring" has slightly a different truth (this word keeps occuring in Jagged Edge Pubs.)

The great and powerful "Toon Army" have been and are being constantly taken the piss out of by the owners and powers that be at this innocuos and very infamous "Slee..... bla, bla".

The club and it's owners have not only spent 65,000 trillion pounds on second rate foreign tossers (football players, ha bloody ha)) , who are only their for one thing, (guess what that is!) but also wasted another 65,000 trillion pounds on wasters, who call themselves, "Top Managers" and the compensation payments thereafter.

As for the sad and very pathetic "Toon Army" they should go and join their pinguin friends (explantion for non - football fans, the "Toon Army" dress in ugly black and white striped replica shirts which, cover their massive beer - bellies and look like their on a protest march against the destruction of the Antartic - a) and emigrate to the Antartic - a and become hunted targets for polar bears, killer whales and japanese pinguin haters!

The state of this "sleeping, well you know by now" has been caused by such a state mis -management of which, in any normal run business the managers and owners would have been forced to commit the worst human form of suicide, hari - kari (or whatever) or blowing there fucking worhtless, mega - rich brains into oblivion.

This can only happen in the world of pro - football (soccer for all of you dumbo's across the atlantic), and as for the "little people" (fans in other words) they can all fuck off, because the clubs only need you to create an atmosphere at the ground, buy the club's shitty replica shirts and the rest of the overpriced and very crappy merchandise. And after another loss at the hands of another "sleeping giant of world soccer" you can go back home or to the boozer,(explanation: public house where they sell Newcastle Brown or other local shitty beers) drink yourself to death, get an even more enormous beer gut and wait for the next crap performance from your beloved team and dream that you have got something to say in the running of your pathetic club.

Dream on muvva fuckers, were all just suckers in the bigger picture of pro - football, mega - footballer salaries, crap managers and multi - million pound / dollar television deals.

Even these craphead morons wearing the black and white "Toon Army" replicas still believe in "ol Geordie traditions" like wearing the colours with passion, believing that their crappy little part of the UK is "special", that the next manager (the 51,000th by the way!) should understand the local needs and culture, fuck off you blind arseholes. The only thing that rules in the pro - soccer world is mega - bucks, and don't give St. Jagged any of the bullshit about home - grown talent and a communtiy feeling generated by the "sleeping giant who is about to conquer the football world", get a life muvva fuckers.

I feel sorry for you all and myself. St. Jagged is a football lover and has been a fan of a "real conqueror of world football since 50 years, and although I still watch these bunch of multi - millionare super, (mostly foreign) stars perform, I think the whole shit stinks.

We have all been taken for a majestic fucking ride and are being milked and taken the piss out of. All of the foreign / british owners, managers and footballers who wear the shirts of these pathetic and pampered multi - million businesses should all fuck - off and give the club back to whom it rightly belongs, the real fans (oops, sorry, I was floating in cloud cuckoo land, utopia, heaven or wherever).

Newcastle Utd, the fans and rest of the shit are and will always be wankers.

Go and support your local pigeon club, at least you can feel the real crap dropping out of the Sky (sorry another pun, all liable proceedings should go to my solicitor, my dog and my dead goldfish, aahh), and pigeons always find their way home, without all of the trillions that have been squandered in the name of the "Beautiful Game".

PS ( Mon Dieu got out while the going was good, a real God!)

That's my groan for today, sorry about all of you non - soccer fans, the real St. Jagged will be back tomorrow with real meaningful and quality news, fuck on you Jagged Army (oh God nearly another misuse of a football chant!!!!).

woensdag 9 januari 2008

Thought of the Day / 09.01.2007

Hi there fellow Jagged Edgers (me myself and me)

Well that was an eventful day, full of crap news & dodo's.

Hilary, (I didn't have sex with that man, no way, he was too busy having his dick sucked by who? already forgotten and put to bed, in more ways than one, dirty old muvva fucka) is fighting for her right (heard that one before) to become the first female president along with a gentleman from an ethnic background (coloured or black whatever you want to call it).

Well anything after the other wanker is a fresh change and at least something to write about.

After all of the cock -ups over the past 25 to 30 years the yanks had to try something new. Black, female, Chinese (good for sales in the booming Chinese economy) maybe even gay, (that's in vogue, ooh sorry, no of course not, you either have to be a catholic priest, british politician, or a youth trainer of boys sports teams to be allowed to practise your dirty deeds, no way could you become president of the oh so great and puritan USA) or Felix the cat (have you seen those porno's from Felix and crew!), Fury the wonder horse (please younger viewers please don't ask St. Jagged who the fuck Fury was, ask your Grandads or Ma's), The Lone Ranger (Oh my God no gays please, him alongside Tonton or whoever made such a pretty pair), even black Beauty could run for president these days (we have no racist views on Jagged Edge Pubs!).

Or how about those bunch of criminals locked up in San Quentin and wherever who run the joints under the guise of "The Aryan Brotherhood", tatoo's and all, well even they could do a better fucking job than George and co.

They could stay locked up and determine the future of the US without even having to leave the comfort of their cells. Preach "White Power", sell swastika tatoo's over the internet, reinvent the KKC, and even let their "coloured brother mafia groups" have the right to choose policies which, could be advantageous to the US public in general and also, to all prisoners locked up within penal system (They plead: "I was innocent and never really mean't to murder those 15 prostitutes whose blood just happened to be smothered all over the back seat of my stinking, farmers pick -up truck and by the way, don't forget the sponge when you stick 50,000 volts through my disgusting, tatooed body", sorry stolen from the Green Mile and Tom, not Uncle), for example:

1)Legalise drug trafficking from South America into the States, reinstate criminal drug barons as leading politicians or presidents in those latin countries and lock up the muvva fucking corrupt politicians who are on the payrols of the muvva fucking drug barons. That would save some money and also put the FBI out of work.
2)Legalise weed / pot smoking and have it classified as a medicine. Save even more money!
3)Free Mike Tyson out of his own personal prison, and let him become governor of NY (The big apple to those who don't know what NY is). He would instantly legalise the biting of ears, pitbull terrier warfare, rape in hotels (it wasn't me, it was my shadow, boxing!) and ban all russian prof - boxers from participating in Macdonald adverts, good on you Mike, it's not your fault, your just a victim of the "Hood".
4)Reintroduce slavery but only if the slaves come from Poland, Russia or other ex-soviet states, drowning in oil fields and mega - rich Russki fucking oil barons (isn't it strange that the world seems to keep revolving and smacking you right in the back of your muvva fucking necks, ex texas oil barons, a la Dallas and co, ha bloody ha) or Irakie muslim prisoners of war, but only from the Saddam kind, it's payback time, sons of bitches!

Anyway, I'm drifting into the danger zones and all I want to say is "respect the brotherhood" (St Jagged forget to tell his readers that he is a muvva fucking coward and of course wishes no disrespect to the brothers, creeping arsehole!) and never does he want to end up in San Quentin without his Nazi tatooes, shamrock, celtic cross and all of the other misused symbols which, you have adopted.

I suppose I could always paint myself black, be in possesion of a kilo of smack and survive that way, fuck on you "Black Brothers".

Maybe it was'nt such a good idea after all for the "Aryan Brotherhood"to become presidential candidates, mind you there is not much difference between them, good ol Georgie boy and his republican mafiosi. At least the "Brotherhood" stand up for what they are and what they are fighting for. Georgie boy lets his generals, dogs - bodies, Islamic extremists, Tony Blair (in the past tense) and the boys on the front do his fucking "dirty work".

Back to Hilary, I did not have sex with that man, I just sucked his dick (not Bill's you fucking morons).

"Ever since I caught Bill red dicked or handed, I have lost all trust in men and have become a lesbian", quote, unquote, (oh no, please, shock upon shock, the US are not ready yet for the first "gay"women president) with their puritan catholic views (don't mention paedophiles, homo's, gay priests, etc), right wing religious nutters preaching the gospel to those who don't know any better, Jehovahs witnesses, who! Black muslims, (Black Power rules ok!). 50 Cent, P diddy or Daddy, Ozzie Osbourne (he's pure clean and righteous just the same as the chemical factory which, killed 50,000 innocent indians, not red, the other coloured kind, and was covered over similar to the poisonous yellow cloud which, blanketed the area and caused such havoc, sorry Ozzie, chemicals are chemicals). Jews (we survived the holocaust and learn't from it, Palestinians beware, the Nazi's did a thorough job and we have been taught well, HH!), Oprah Winfrey (Quote, "I have been sent by God to teach you all that you are just a bunch of no - good scumbags and I, Oprah, will cash in as many bucks off of the back of your misery until I, Oprah, the great one, becomes the richest, black women in the history of womankind, forever and ever amen", OK, OK, she gives a couple of bucks to charities, so what. Ghandi didn't cash in a penny, he lived off of goats milk, his own urine and one white robe, fuck on Ghandi!), and all of the other puritan groups holding the balance in the "free world".

Please God let the other candidate win at least we junkies and pot - smokers will have freedom at last. The slave trade can be reintroduced and Irakie prisoners of war (not our black brothers and sisters, revenge will be sweet) can pick cotton, be raped and abused by their owners, make moonlight crap whisky, and pray to Allah 4 times a day.

That's it my flock of crapheads, see you later from St. JAGGED, (by the way, I have no swastika tatoo's for sale, only a four leaf shamrock stuck up my arse, where it will stay for the rest of my Celtic days).

dinsdag 8 januari 2008

A daily thought

I was nearly sick after watching the BBC soap called Breakfast this morning (08.01.2008).

The main morning news was dominated by the following reports:

UK Gas companies are ripping off their customers (what a fucking surprise).
The obese are getting fatter and fatter ( well that's news, especially after the fatty christmas period)

Retail sales over the christams period were 0,3% down (aah what a shame, maybe there is a Jesus after all!)

And the most important report of all was guess what! No not thousands of Kenyans being bullied, shot at, tortured and hacked at with maschettes, or that millions of Sudanis are being hunted and forcibly sent to refugee camps and slaughtered on the way, etc.

No the "Newsflash of the day was" hold your breath", Nicole "Fucking"Kidman was pregnant again. (That was by the way, BB (shitheads) C, not Sky, not CNN, and cetrtainly not Showbiz, shit news). Thats the way the Beeb (as commonly known in the UK) mesmerises and captures it's dormant and very attentive audiences!

Who is the moron (not Gordon, remember Jilted john, please young readers refrain from asking St. Jagged for info about our Jilted John the Moron, ask Johnny Rotten, who? bla, bla, bla), of course Saint Jagged, for watching such utter, utter and more utter crap.

The thought of the day is over, lets all pray for redemption.

The next piece of "Bog" (sorry blog) is on it's way and will follow this astounding piece of front page, breaking news, Nicole "fucking who".

Greetings from Jagged

vrijdag 4 januari 2008