St. Jagged and his band of merry men have decided to boycott all of "Mr Sonny boy, Entrepeneur himself" better known as Sir Richard Branson and his Virgin multi - billion turnover companies and their global products, what a sensation!
We at Jagged Edge Pubs. have thought long and hard about this decision, and although it will cause great damage to the above mention global concern, there is no other way or manner to express our disgust at this grey haired, wannabe cool hippie, play the cameras hotshot of the modern world and the monster that he has created, fucking Frankenstein was an angel against this clown.
Obviously my Jagged one's, you are very interested to know what has led us to this earthquaking decision which, will ultimately shake the world by it's foundations, cause financial disasters all over the planet, force the global, human inhabitents to revolt against this mega - imperial mega - God of the business world.
We know everybody adores him and his crappy train service, luxury airliners, super - dupa record shops and the rest of the "Money Bags" imperium, but enough is enough!
We have all put up with his feeble attempts to fly a balloon single handed around the planet, be eventually rescued a zillion times with all of the global TV stations, their helicopters and camera crews bouncing these oh so historic pictures back into our cosy living -rooms (was it a publicity stunt or was it a real attempt to copy a real British hero, Sir Edmund Hilary into the fabulous Guiness book of records?).
Commuters in the UK also have shown bucket loads of patience while being forced onto "Sir Money Bag's"crappy train service which, mostly arrives late and his subordinates come up with the most shitty excuses on the planet i.e. "sorry you overpaying, commuting wankers for the delay, but there were some leaves on the rails and we didn't realise it was autumn already because we were too busy working out the unavoidable rise in our already, extortionate prices for next year. We apologise deeply and promise it will happen next year again, because we have to concentrate annually on humping up our impossible to pay prices!"
Sir "Money Bags" Richard, we even forgive you for those wrong doings, but really now you have pushed us to the limit of understanding and our tolerance levels have been pushed over the precipice.
"What", you are asking yourselves could be the reason for this world -wide boycott, "no" we answer here at Jagged Edge, it is not because we are jealous of Sir "bla bla's"multi billions and his oh so fabulous lifestyle. We don't care either about his egocentric motivation to capture the human races attention and to applaud his great ventures into the unknown, over publicise his companies names on the way and earn even more millions.
We don't even mind his grey, long - haired, softy hippy image of a do - gooder come to save the planet and rip off every dumb pratt on his make millions of bucks crusades, no, my Jagged one's how could we be so facisious and contemptious, not here at Jagged Edge Pubs!
We will put you out of your agony and divulge the truth (well that's a pretty common word used around here!) behind this momentous and very tragic decision.
Today (25.01.08) Mr (oops sorry) Sir "Money Bags" Richard, globally announced his project to fly his mega - rich customers into space with an aeroplane lookalike vehicle, offer them holidays in space hotels and resorts and offer visits to the moon and the rest of the other planets in the solar system.
Well this is really something which, benefits mankind it's poverty, misery, HIV infections, starvation, warring African rebels, natural disasters and all the rest of the crap which, infests our wonderful, blue planet (Branson and his cronies can very soon verify that the planet is blue, because they will be flying around in fucking space and looking at the "wonderful" blue shithole they have left behind).
He has taken his mega - global popularity to the limit and all of those crapheads who marvell at this fucking morons project, and told him how wonderful he is, can fuck off too, or by a one -way ticket on one of his fabulous journeys into the unknown and never come fucking back (maybe there is a God after all and they will all be consumed by massive black holes!)
Sorry Sir Richard "pratt head", how about investing the billions that you earn off of the back of your ignorant fucking customers for this "super dupa" project and put it all back into decent, worthwhile projects which, would alleviate at least some of the misery that you and your fellow global mega - trillion earning businesses cause after ripping the countries off of their natural resources, destroying their habitats and leaving the poorest of the poorest bastards to get on with it!
Then and only then would you gain the respect of the Jagged Edge Team and we would cease to boycott your products. We understand that this boycott is very distressful for you and your companies, but we don't give a shit. This time you have gone too far and Jagged Edge is quite happy to brand you and your fucking companies as a greedy bunch of egocentric pratts!
Remember way back in your pokey little office in Bond Street or wherever, when you did your first publicity stunts to promote Virgin Records and was recognised as the young entrepeneur of the time. How the times have changed, you still have the same hair style, lovey dovey looks and come across to your loving customers as just "one of us", but you don't fool the Jagged Edge team with your friendly attire and looks.
We know what you are about and what you desire.
We at Jagged Edge are not asking you to save the world from its misery, but you "Sir Richard Brainless", should at least stop with these crap multi - trillion buck, hairbrained projects, set a shining example and pump your wealth into parts of the world which, would benefit (Take Mr. Bill Gates as an example) and do something positive instead of running round the planet with your pathetic, hairbrained, publicity stunts trying to earn even more money than you have already.
"Sonny Boy" Sir Branson, we boycott your shit vehemently, get a fucking life and see the truth around you, or join your mega - rich muvva fucking clients on a one - way trip to hell and fly into a massive black hole!
Fellow Jagged's, join the boycott and tell him and his companies to get their heads out of butts and get real! Fuck on Bill Gates, at least you saw the TRUTH!!
Greetings to all of those train passengers stuck on leafy ridden rails, once upon a time there was a company called British Rail, oh the good ol days, they did't have such problems, but oh no autumn wasn't invented until Virgin got it's pussy wet!
Greetings from St Jagged my Jagged one's (my front door, toilet seat and manky dog next door!)