Hi There Jagged People (my mum, her dog and the bone)
Today (11.02.08) I have decided to report about a subject which, has nothing to do with politics, religion or any other shit.
St Jagged is an avid football fan (the real type, not the USA glitter, Beckham league) and something happened this week which, sent shock waves through a pitiful, sad and very backward part of the UK, Geordie land, otherwise known as Newcastle and their team of tossers called Newcastle Utd.
This "sleeping giant of world football" (well thats what their fans believe) have sacked their 50,000th manager in the last 5 years, a certain Mr. "Big Sam, take a bung, Allardyce", big in bunging and crooked dealing (bunging is the Nr.1 hobby of premier league managers and their cronies, I'll explain that at a later date).
Anyway, this famous "sleeping giant of the world football" decided to employ "Big Sam"and offer him a salary of utopian amounts and after 8 months of work have bunged him (sorry about the pun) right back to where he came from, a mega - rich holiday in the Bahamas to recover from the stress of being bunged himself.
This pathetic "sleeping, bla, bla, bla" has now the job of finding another super top coach to take their fortune and fame to where they really belong! (according to their very pathetic and sad "Toon Army").
The background to this "sleeping, bla, bla, how boring" has slightly a different truth (this word keeps occuring in Jagged Edge Pubs.)
The great and powerful "Toon Army" have been and are being constantly taken the piss out of by the owners and powers that be at this innocuos and very infamous "Slee..... bla, bla".
The club and it's owners have not only spent 65,000 trillion pounds on second rate foreign tossers (football players, ha bloody ha)) , who are only their for one thing, (guess what that is!) but also wasted another 65,000 trillion pounds on wasters, who call themselves, "Top Managers" and the compensation payments thereafter.
As for the sad and very pathetic "Toon Army" they should go and join their pinguin friends (explantion for non - football fans, the "Toon Army" dress in ugly black and white striped replica shirts which, cover their massive beer - bellies and look like their on a protest march against the destruction of the Antartic - a) and emigrate to the Antartic - a and become hunted targets for polar bears, killer whales and japanese pinguin haters!
The state of this "sleeping, well you know by now" has been caused by such a state mis -management of which, in any normal run business the managers and owners would have been forced to commit the worst human form of suicide, hari - kari (or whatever) or blowing there fucking worhtless, mega - rich brains into oblivion.
This can only happen in the world of pro - football (soccer for all of you dumbo's across the atlantic), and as for the "little people" (fans in other words) they can all fuck off, because the clubs only need you to create an atmosphere at the ground, buy the club's shitty replica shirts and the rest of the overpriced and very crappy merchandise. And after another loss at the hands of another "sleeping giant of world soccer" you can go back home or to the boozer,(explanation: public house where they sell Newcastle Brown or other local shitty beers) drink yourself to death, get an even more enormous beer gut and wait for the next crap performance from your beloved team and dream that you have got something to say in the running of your pathetic club.
Dream on muvva fuckers, were all just suckers in the bigger picture of pro - football, mega - footballer salaries, crap managers and multi - million pound / dollar television deals.
Even these craphead morons wearing the black and white "Toon Army" replicas still believe in "ol Geordie traditions" like wearing the colours with passion, believing that their crappy little part of the UK is "special", that the next manager (the 51,000th by the way!) should understand the local needs and culture, fuck off you blind arseholes. The only thing that rules in the pro - soccer world is mega - bucks, and don't give St. Jagged any of the bullshit about home - grown talent and a communtiy feeling generated by the "sleeping giant who is about to conquer the football world", get a life muvva fuckers.
I feel sorry for you all and myself. St. Jagged is a football lover and has been a fan of a "real conqueror of world football since 50 years, and although I still watch these bunch of multi - millionare super, (mostly foreign) stars perform, I think the whole shit stinks.
We have all been taken for a majestic fucking ride and are being milked and taken the piss out of. All of the foreign / british owners, managers and footballers who wear the shirts of these pathetic and pampered multi - million businesses should all fuck - off and give the club back to whom it rightly belongs, the real fans (oops, sorry, I was floating in cloud cuckoo land, utopia, heaven or wherever).
Newcastle Utd, the fans and rest of the shit are and will always be wankers.
Go and support your local pigeon club, at least you can feel the real crap dropping out of the Sky (sorry another pun, all liable proceedings should go to my solicitor, my dog and my dead goldfish, aahh), and pigeons always find their way home, without all of the trillions that have been squandered in the name of the "Beautiful Game".
PS ( Mon Dieu got out while the going was good, a real God!)
That's my groan for today, sorry about all of you non - soccer fans, the real St. Jagged will be back tomorrow with real meaningful and quality news, fuck on you Jagged Army (oh God nearly another misuse of a football chant!!!!).