woensdag 30 januari 2008

Alien Intruders / 30.01.2008

Jagged Edge earthly beings beware and frightened, above you can see my first "alien" fan, he contacted me per -cyberspace and was so overwhelmed to find that someone actually attempted to tell the truth on earth that he decided to contact JEP (Jagged Edge Pubs, idiots!).

He might not be the prettiest thing you have seen, but he certainly had a fucking impact, especially when he told me stories about life on his planet, ZZZZ - Zopiat (sounds like a one - hit wonder crap rock band from the seventies, eighties or whenever) in the 250th galaxy, 78 trillion light years away from our "wonderful" planet.

I do apologise for his "Nazi" looking hat, he found it attractive and felt it suited his visage. He swapped it on a lost space ship during his astral travels and the person he found it on was rather bony and frail looking, but he thought, "what the fuck", they are so many millions of light years away from earth and the holocaust was such a long time ago that nodody would take offence here on earth.

And being the honest and truthful alien that he is, he gently removed the cap and replaced it with a stuffed alsatian dog, the frail being smiled, said "dankerschon mein Herr" lifted his left arm, saluted in good ol nazi style and asked my alien fan if he knew the direction to heaven. The border guards on the frontier to hell fucking refused to issue the lost space ship with an entry visa on the grounds that they had only half finished the job issued by Satan's army way back when and were duly labelled as a bunch of no - hope wankers.

The border guards told them to fuck off to heaven because it was easier for ex - dictators, serial killers, rapists, psychopaths, paedophiles, etc, to enter the realms of heaven on reasons of "God is almighty and forgiving". The criteria for entry into hell is much more stringent, but the benefits are much greater, non stop parties, sex - orgies, booze, corrupt football games, drugs and every other form of wicked and debauched behaviour known to Satan's followers or non -followers!

My alien friend apologised sincerely to his frail, lost in space, traveller with a strange German / Austrian accent and told him, "heaven and hell, God and Satan are just a figments of your imagination, you might have escaped the hell of the Russian army and their raping, pillaging bent on revenge forces, but you will not escape your destiny, you will be sucked towards the sun and then and only then will you burn in the real hell" (Aliens know these things!).

The frail figure, stroked his stuffed alsatian dog, smiled a gentle smile and wished my alien fan a pleasant and healthy journey to the place where the frail being once caused so much destruction, agony, butchery, innocent deaths and Genocide.

He spoke a final word "I tried to find the truth and fucked up big time, maybe you can find what I was searching for, or maybe the truth can never be found amongst these carbon units, who knows".

My alien friend thought, "you miserable lying bastard, you and your cronies fucked up just like the rest of the dictators, politicians, kings and queens, religious leaders, etc, that were before you and came after you (aliens are much superior intelligent beings than their earthly subordinates and base their ideaology on only the true TRUTH which, is a trillion light years away from the philosophies practised here on earth by earthlings and their leaders!).

They parted company and my alien friend, fan and worshipper jumped in his starship, set wharp factor 60000 light years per second speed into his computer (with microsoft softwear to drive it) and sped towards the blue planet with only one intention, to meet ST Jagged and his merry ol men and women (hopefully!).

With 600000 million questions flying around his ultra - intelligent head to be answered by St Jagged he just could not wait to pierce the earths atmosphere and confront this strange, alien - like (just like himself really) person who claimed to tell the truth, nothing but the truth, so help me Mon Dieu (he gets mentioned quite a few times here a Jagged Edge Pubs, strange!)

Well Jagged one's, thats the story behind my universal friend, pictured above, he came, we answered, he went.

He wanted to know many things about ST. Jagged and his TRUTH, but we just told him to believe no -one, just think what Ghandi, Lech Walensa, Mother Teresa, Jesus, etc, did and what someone like Krishnamurti wrote and maybe then and only then could he find his own Truth

He left as soon as he came and parted with only the following to say "St Jagged you and your merry men are all fucking mad and deserve to be locked away and the key thrown away, because there is no room for you and your Jagged one's on this shithole called earth".

He promised to continue to follow our blogs from his distant planet in a very distant galaxy and also promised never ever again to visit this miserable planet and never ever even attempt to understand the carbon units called HUMAN BEINGS! (even with his very superior intelligence)

Well Jagged avid readers that's my story for today, 30.01.08, in the history of things.

The last couple of days I have been getting to grips with my serious side and decided for the sake of my own sanity only to touch on serious subjects when they really piss me off (read "This is real serious stuff " below, thats when I really get angry!)

Hope my fan club (the cat that lives three doors down and doesn't scratch my back, my new found alien worshipper, the frail being lost far away in space and his stuffed alsatian dog, the turd that refuses to be flushed away and keeps coming back to haunt me time and time again) thankyou for your worship and I will see you all maybe tomorrow with even more bullshit.

St Jagged and his merry ol men.

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