maandag 17 maart 2008

Doggies Stinky Doings!

My beloved Jagged one's, this whole blog thing STINKS, St. Jagged and his merry ol Bullshitters thought they would wow you all into action by offering to let you all join the "Truth" crusade and become official members of the:

The Back Stabbing, Loonybin, Straight (Jacket), Anti - Political Party

and not one of you dedicated followers has applied for our fabulous, colourful info - packs, shame on you muvva fuckers!

Your chances of joining this oh so very important crusade are vanishing because St.Jagged has had requests from the following, mega - important, global playing, manipulating, anti political parties to form a global - coalition and membership is limited only to those who believe that politics is a load of ol bollocks, the list is as follows:
  • The canine "barking fucking mad" Club in Vancouver
  • The goldfish "civil rights" Club in outer Mongolia (swimming like lost souls in their ol fish bowls, oops sorry Pink Floyd fans, and St. Jagged really wishes you were not here)
  • The Freedom for Ants from their Queens (Gay ones an all!) Club
  • The Free all "humpless" incacerated camels Club (desert Nomads beware, St.Jagged is after your fucking goats testacles and Bin Ladens golden balls)
  • The fight for the right for bats to hang up side down as long as they fucking want to Club (especially those hanging in Australia),
  • and last not least
  • The Freedom for Great White Sharks to attack muvva fucking, idiot surfers Liberty Club in protest against all "mother fucking" idiot surfers who have swam across the path of this magnificent beast and had their arses bitten off after being mistaken for a seal and caused the Great White to lose or break some of its jagged teeth whilst biting the shit out of plastic surfboards (fuck on you great white sharks and tell the pretty boy, blond, bleached surfer fraternity to, FUCK OFF and make their own waves).
Avid Jagged ones you have been warned, the world of Jagged Edge is reaching global proportions and mega - popularity (Stephen King is shite compared to the popularity of St.Jagged!), we here at Jagged Edge Publications are crusading in the name of the "TRUTH" and no other muvva fucker has ever done that before without getting his balls cut off.

Don't miss your "Golden Opportunity", join now while there are still free places and don't forget to send your million buck donations posted to the following adress:
ST. Jagged,
In the Loonybin,
Somewhere between The ravaged rain forests of Brazil and The Great (decimated) Barrier Reef in Aussie fucking land (Great Whites beware, St Jagged is boarding his high powered, titanium, surfboard and will kick your fucking great white teeth right back down your dirty great big throats, apart from that oh so scary Jaws, real life looking great white in Mr. Spielbergs classic film, Jaws 55!).
PO Box 666 (sign of St.Jaggeds best friend and leader of anti - christs the world over),
In Hell or Heaven (depending on your denomination).

Anyway Jagged Edge lovers here is the real reason for this fabulous piece of high level, load of ol bollocks and very intellectual masterpiece:

Stinking dogs crap on the bottom of St. Jagged's shoes.
Dog owners get a fucking life and wipe your little sweeties butts after they have dropped thier tons of crap all over the planet, especially on the path where St. Jagged breathes his daily dose of unpolluted air (rare places to find these days).

And then have the common decency to clean up those heaps of steaming, stinking, revolting doggies crap before innocents like St.Jagged and his merry ol junior St.Jagged's tread right in your "little sweeties" mountain of left - behind, dogs - shit!

Pooh, stinky winky, St. Jagged beleives every muvva fucker on the planet has at least once in their lives trod in dogs crap and had the disgusting pleasure of cleaning their glossy, covered with doggies doings, stinking shoes, and felt violently sick whilst doing it.

Our children have to venture through major minefields whilst playing in playgrounds or in the parks. Picnics can be really great fun when Fido the alsation dog has just released his bowels 2 meters away from the chequered, blue and white table cloth, full with lovely smelling, fried chicken, sandwiches, cakes and "uugh, whats that pong darling, my champagne smells slightly crappy today?" (a posh voice asking his very posh spouse in a very posh park, a very stinky question)

Dog - owners seem to think that their sweet little, four - legged, hairy family members, have the right to crap anywhere and anytime they want to and regard the rest of us grumpy ol, non - dog owners, as members of an SS - Nazi murder troop when we dare criticise the behaviour of their beloved, crapping, "Mans best friend."
"Yeh St. Jagged, your just a miserable ol grumpy bastard and see only the crap that these hairy monsters leave behind" (St.Jagged's inner conscience wakes up) "Doggies can be helpful, playful, leading the blind, loving, intelligent, hard - working and wonderful members of the family" (St. Jagged's inner conscience is slowly getting up St.Jaggeds very sensitive fucking nose, fuck off back to sleep inner conscience!)
They stink, their breath smells, they ruin the furniture, bite my fucking slippers to death, dig holes in my beautiful, flowery garden, jump up when i've got my brand new, white coloured trousers on, nick the best and warmest seat in the house, cuddle up and sleep on my fucking bed, are smothered with flees and cost hundreds of bucks at the vets! Got any more problems!
St.Jagged loves dogs really, dog - lovers, as long as they are not his, don't shit all over the planet, and lead the blind.
Dog - owners do St.Jagged a favour, pick up their crap, go to doggie bogs, keep them away from kiddies playgrounds, don't visit my house after it has been raining with your "little sweety" and most important of all give them some toothpaste tablets before they attempt to lick St.Jaggeds pretty face!
Anyway that' s (h) it for today, St. Jagged has to rush to the sink with his brand new, shiny black shoes, because there is a complaint from his spouse about a strange aroma circulating the house, oh fuck me, dogs shit on my shoes!
Goodbye, fellow dog - lovers, cat - haters, bird - killers and sheep - shaggers!

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